ACIM Chapter 13. V. The Two Emotions, P 5, 6

ACIM Chapter 13. V. The Two Emotions, P 5, 6

V. The Two Emotions, P 5

5 You have but two emotions, yet in your private world you react to each of them as though it were the other. For love cannot abide in a world apart, where when it comes it is not recognized. If you see your own hatred as your brother, you are not seeing him. Everyone draws nigh unto what he loves, and recoils from what he fears. And you react with fear to love, and draw away from it. Yet fear attracts you, and believing it is love, you call it to yourself. Your private world is filled with figures of fear you have invited into it, and all the love your brothers offer you, you do not see.

As I was reading this, I was trying to picture those in my life who represent my hate and fear. Then, I tried to imagine them without my projections. Here is what happened at first. I thought of some of the people I used to work with, and my mind boggled at the thought they could represent love to me. They did not love me, and I did not love them. They seemed to attack me, and I know I defended, and so I returned the attack. My lower mind insisted they were not loving at all. I draw nigh them, and I don’t see them as love, and I do recoil.

Then, the Holy Spirit helped me see the problem, which wasn’t them.

We laughed at the idea that they could offer anything but love. How could they? They are love. If I didn’t see the love, then I must have projected something onto them that was hiding their true visage. Evidently, the problem was me. But I must be love, too, so where is the projection coming from? It was coming from my ego. I had this hatred and fear in my lower mind, and feeling guilty for it, I was projecting it away from me and onto them.  There, I could look at it without owning it, at least not owning it consciously.

This didn’t work then and never will. There is a place in my mind where I know what I am doing, and so I am never fully convinced that I am innocent. Fear and guilt just push me further and further from the truth of my being. The only answer to this sticky mess is to become willing to withdraw my projections and bring them back to me, to allow them to be undone. It is amazing how hard I make this simple task. The ego mind shrieks at the idea of doing this. It is comfortable in its old habits and maintains that the guilt belongs where I put it.

Those years ago, when this situation at work was happening, healing was also happening.

I looked in spite of the ego’s objections. I looked at my boss and saw him making what appeared to be a big mistake with a customer. I felt disgusted with him, thinking he should know better and would regret this, though not as much as me when I lost that customer. I felt resentment, fear, and hate. He was my problem, and I felt helpless because I could not do anything to defend myself from his ineptitude.

Then, I asked the Holy Spirit for another way to see this. I saw that all my thoughts about this stemmed from the ego’s interpretation of the situation. I saw that I was perfectly protected. He was not my source. He was not responsible for my fear. He was not his ego or his story. I still saw him making a strategic mistake, but that was his script and his problem. It was my problem only if I continued to ask the ego for advice. I could not blame him for my situation because my situation is my script.

How fortunate that I knew this and that I could ask for another way to see it. Then, I could act from that clarity. I could trust and be at peace. We shared this part of our stories because they complement each other. I was learning something in our shared classroom, and he was as well. That is why we were doing this dance; it was helping us to awaken. Ha! I felt gratitude for the situation and him. I began to see him as the love that he is rather than as my enemy, and the only thing that changed was me.

V. The Two Emotions, P 6

6 As you look with open eyes upon your world, it must occur to you that you have withdrawn into insanity. You see what is not there, and you hear what makes no sound. Your manifestations of emotions are the opposite of what the emotions are. You communicate with no one, and you are as isolated from reality as if you were alone in all the universe. In your madness you overlook reality completely, and you see only your own split mind everywhere you look. God calls you and you do not hear, for you are preoccupied with your own voice. And the vision of Christ is not in your sight, for you look upon yourself alone.

For a long time, it felt depressing and sometimes hopeless to look at the world I made. I want to let this all go. I want to look at a world that has been purified of my projections. I want to see people for who they are in truth rather than see my sick mind projected onto them. I want to hear the words that come from their hearts rather than giving their words meaning that comes from my unhappy and confused mind.

I am doing the work I need to do.

And still, it can feel like I am pushing that great stone uphill only to have it roll back down again. And I know that God speaks to me all day but that I listen to Him only occasionally. However, I also know that I do see things differently and that when I hear His Voice, I hear it clearly. I see that no matter how discouraged I might get and how afraid I am of my own stubborn insistence on holding attack thoughts in my mind, I always remember that I don’t have to do this and that I have help to stop. I remember my purpose.

I have a support group, my fellow Course students, and very helpful teachers. I have my quiet time in the morning as I read, listen, and write what I hear. I have my Course groups, my students, and my mind-healing partners. I have my classrooms, where I practice and where I learn much-needed lessons through experience, which is the best teacher, after all.

I also have much unseen help.

I have Jesus, my dear brother, who is now the manifestation of the Holy Spirit. I have angels and guides and other non-physical beings who have much to offer me. Sometimes, I am unaware of their help except that I will have sudden insights and clarity. I will move inexplicably from sadness or anger and into peace simply because I called out for help. I don’t see them and don’t hear them, but I know they are there. They want to help awaken me, and I welcome their help.

I am not alone. I am so thankful for that. I know Jesus is right when he says that we but do this to ourselves, that there are no accidents, and that our day is not at random. As I learn more about projection and perception, I begin to see how I do it to myself. I see how I use the ego mind to perceive situations, and then I project what I perceive onto the world. Then, I use the body’s eyes to prove my insane conclusion is real. My new clarity about how all this works motivates me to push through my episodic periods of discouragement to reach my goal ultimately.

Thank you, Jesus, for A Course in Miracles.