ACIM Chapter 13. II. The Guiltless Son of God, P 5, 6

ACIM Chapter 13. II. The Guiltless Son of God, P 5, 6

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 5

5 In the calm light of truth, let us recognize that you believe you have crucified God’s Son. You have not admitted to this “terrible” secret because you would still wish to crucify him if you could find him. Yet the wish has hidden him from you because it is very fearful, and so you are afraid to find him. You have handled this wish to kill yourself by not knowing who you are, and identifying with something else. You have projected guilt blindly and indiscriminately, but you have not uncovered its source. For the ego does want to kill you, and if you identify with it you must believe its goal is yours.

I have family members who are atheists, and I often think that they have put themselves in a bad place. They don’t know God, and so don’t know themselves. This is very disquieting, even if they don’t understand the cause of the unease. More upsetting, perhaps, since they are uneasy but don’t know why. But really, are they any different than me? I say I believe in God, but do I know God? And if I don’t know God, I don’t know myself. The only difference, perhaps, is that I know there is a problem, and I know it is unforgiveness of the belief in guilt.

Because we don’t know who we are and are afraid to accept God’s Word on this, we instead identify with the ego. The ego wants to kill us, and since we identify as ego, we believe we want to kill ourselves. This has caused a great deal of fear and guilt, which we project blindly and indiscriminately, never understanding why. Most of this we keep hidden from ourselves, and thus, it never gets forgiven.

So, whether I believe in God or am an atheist, I still suffer from an identity crisis.

And I also suffer from hidden but intense guilt and fear. Happiness, peace, innocence, and freedom are the antithesis to me. I may not remember why I am guilty, but I am aware of the guilt. I cannot possibly be worthy of these lofty aspirations. Instead, I spend my life in an effort to crucify the Son of God, which I do symbolically and repeatedly throughout my life in the form of sickness, accidents, and all forms of fear and guilt. What a miserable way to live.

That seems pretty harsh, but if I scrutinize my life, I see that it must be true. I see evidence of unworthiness. I see a heart black with guilt, and I witness the futile effort to rid myself of the resultant guilt through self-punishment or through projection. No wonder I deny what Jesus has to say about my innocence and about God’s love for me. Who am I to accept these gifts? Who is this God that gives without condition? I don’t know either God or His Son.

I have been studying and practicing the Course, though. And so, I have been slowly giving up the source of this all-pervasive guilt. I have come to believe in a God of Love, even if I have not yet completely accepted that this love is for me. Each time I see guilt in the mind, and each time that I deny its reality, I come closer to remembering who I am and accepting God as my Father. Through the denial of guilt in all its forms, I am learning to deny the ego rather than God.

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 6

6 I have said that the crucifixion is the symbol of the ego. When it was confronted with the real guiltlessness of God’s Son it did attempt to kill him, and the reason it gave was that guiltlessness is blasphemous to God. To the ego, the ego is God, and guiltlessness must be interpreted as the final guilt that fully justifies murder. You do not yet understand that any fear you may experience in connection with this course stems ultimately from this interpretation, but if you will consider your reactions to it you will become increasingly convinced that this is so.

I have a friend who thinks that being religious means fearing God. He feels strongly about this and utterly believes that God wants his fear, and so, whether he thinks this out or not, to him, God is a scary dude. When I hear him talk about it, I see that this God of his is really the ego definition of God. He has nothing to do with the God of Love I am getting to know.

I am pretty sure if I asked my friend about guilt, he would embrace it with great enthusiasm since it would enhance his belief that God wants his fear. Doubtlessly, he wears his guilt like a badge of honor, as he does his fear. If I were to say to him that I am guiltless, he would be appalled at my audacity and would probably worry about my salvation. So, I understand what Jesus is saying here. Now, I am wondering how this applies to me in my everyday life.

I don’t have those conscious beliefs about God, and to the extent I used to,

I have overcome them. But unconscious guilt is still in my mind, just hiding out a bit. I see it when I “wish things were different.” And when I think someone should be or act differently. I see it when I feel regret or shame. I see it when I punish myself by making my body sick. And there it is, the fear of God is peeking out. Let me punish myself before God does.

I don’t have to wait for God to punish me because I will punish myself. I will get sick or hurt myself in some way. Or maybe I will overeat and gain weight, or I will overspend and then feel anxious about money. We find so many different ways to punish ourselves when the guilt becomes too heavy. I guess it makes sense when I think it out.

The ego thinks I am the ego, and if I identify with the ego, I, too, believe it.

The ego thinks the ego is God, and if I think I am the ego, I think I am God. So, now there is more guilt in the mind, and this time, it is a capital crime and so requires the death penalty. Seeing the logic of the ego written out like this, it is clearly absurd, and believing it is insanity. This is what Jesus wants us to see so that we will be willing to accept healing and will not be afraid of it.

All resistance to this Course is guilt and fear. I think I don’t have any more resistance, but then I come across something I don’t understand. This is very simple and quite understandable by everyone who wants to understand it. When I don’t understand some part of it, I step back and wait for the Holy Spirit to help me accept. He will remove my guilt if that is my desire, and with guilt goes the fear. He does it often, so I know this is true. Then, understanding dawns fully upon my willing mind.