ACIM Daily Lesson 309 I will not fear to look within today. 1. Within me is eternal innocence, because it is God’s Will that it be there forever and forever.
I will not fear to look within today.
Lesson 309
I will not fear to look within today.
1. Within me is eternal innocence, because it is God’s Will that it be there forever and forever. ²I, His Son, whose will is limitless as is His Own, can will no change in this. ³For to deny my Father’s Will is to deny my own. ⁴To look within is but to find my will as God created it, and as it is. ⁵I fear to look within because I think I made another will that is not true, and made it real. ⁶Yet it has no effects. ⁷Within me is the Holiness of God. ⁸Within me is the memory of Him.
2. The step I take today, my Father, is my sure release from idle dreams of sin. ²Your altar stands serene and undefiled. ³It is the holy altar to my Self, and there I find my true Identity.
This lesson is such good news!
We thought that we had made a will for ourselves that is different than the Will of God, but we were wrong. What God creates is eternal. Therefore, it is not possible that we replaced our true will, which is the same as God’s. We can change our minds about what we believe, but we cannot change our minds about what we are.
God created His Sons by extending His Thought, and retaining the extensions of His Thought in His Mind. (ACIM, T-6.II.8:1) You see, we are perfectly safe and perfectly unchanged by our imaginative thought. We are like God since we are an extension of His Thought, and so our will is like God’s Will. We don’t need to fear to look within because we will only find Love there.
I suppose the reason we became confused about this has to do with the body we made. Because we made the idea of a body and identified with it, we thought we could change creation. This belief caused intense guilt and fear as it seemed that we had denied God’s creation and thus denied God. But the truth is, we did nothing. We changed nothing. We are the prodigal children of God, and He wants only to love us. Let us today allow ourselves to be released from idle dreams of sin. Let us, instead, go within to discover our true identity as Love Itself. See, as I said, this lesson is such good news!
Here is a mistake I made for a long time.
I thought that I am this personality, this character. I began to realize early in the study of the Course that I could not be this body no matter how it felt like I was. But it took some time later to realize that I am not the character at all, that what I am in reality isn’t some other, better form of Myron. I am not a personal self at all.
Myron has a lot of things about her that would lead me to think I would never awaken at this rate. But those characteristics are just what makes up her ego and are not meaningful and are not me. It helps me to think of this world as a classroom in which there are many opportunities to undo the ego. This body with its personality and its “life” are part of the classroom. They are the perfect environment to undo those beliefs that are my responsibility in this lifetime.
But since they are not me, I cannot look at Myron and her life as an indication of how close I am to awakening. To judge me on the basis of this lifetime experience of this character would be foolish. It seems that we each evolve spiritually to awaken from the belief that the world is real and we are these separate selves. Eventually, we awaken entirely and know ourselves as One with All That Is, just as Jesus did.
This is why I simply show up for class every day.
My intention is to do the best I can to complete the task I came to do. I look at this life and this mind only to see what is untrue.
“I am willing to look at how I view my life circumstances as helpful feedback that shows me where there is still a need to heal my mind.” From Pathways of Light.
And I do my best to let it go, to release it to the Holy Spirit. I do my best to help others do the same.
This understanding that the current story of Myron and none of the other stories I have been involved in are true, that is, none are me, is what makes it possible for me to do as Jesus asks. I can look within because there I will find the innocent Self, the unaffected Self, the Self that is still as God created It; looking within, I will mind me.
Regina’s Tips
Regina is echoing what I wrote today. She starts by reminding us that our awakening is guaranteed, if not in this lifetime, in another. Here is part of her tip.
When we think of this lifetime as the only time we have, we are looking at this person as who we are. We are not this person.
To see that we also have other lifetimes in which we can accomplish this goal broadens our perspective of our self as more than this time-limited being with a particular name and history. It’s helpful to see that we are beyond that limit because that is true.
At the same time, this lifetime is a perfect time to make every stride that we can in the direction of awakening. Maybe this will be the lifetime in which we awaken!
Whether this is the lifetime in which we awaken or not, as we saw in our contemplation yesterday, “this instant is the only time there is. … The only interval in which I can be saved from time is now.” Let’s use now well.
She also quotes NTI as another way to help us understand that it is safe to look within, and that we are innocent. I am going to share this part of her tip.
If you have listened to my teachings much at all, you have heard me speak of the ‘I am bad’ thought. This fear—the fear that ‘I am bad’—is one of the greatest obstacles to awakening. It keeps us stuck in the belief that we are something other than God.
As NTI (the Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament) puts it:
You believe you have stolen yourself from God. That is to say, you believe you have made yourself separate from God’s Will. You believe it is your choice to follow God’s Will or your own, and you feel guilty for this choice, because you believe it is a sin to have made a will that is separate from God’s.
Your guilt, born of the choice to have a separate will, leaves you feeling unworthy of God’s Will. And so, out of your guilt and sense of unworthiness, you deny God’s Will by not hearing it, or by hearing it, but by not believing you are deserving to follow it.
There are several things you must look at here. First, you do have the desire to know and follow God’s Will. Hold that up as a beacon. That is your willingness. Let it guide you to your true Heart’s desire.
Secondly, the feeling that seems to be an obstacle to knowing and following God’s Will is the belief that you are unworthy of God’s Will. This is like a crafty trick. It is a loop that keeps you trapped within an illusion of yourself.
You think you are guilty because you want to serve a will other than God’s,
and
Your true desire is to serve God’s Will,
but your sense of unworthiness is an obstacle to that desire.
Do you see the loop in which you are snared?
Can you see how your own belief in your guilt and unworthiness seems to lead you onto the path of increased guilt and additional unworthiness?
This is why I have come, to help you look at the upside-down reasoning within the mind that keeps you feeling trapped. And also to help you see that you are not trapped, because you can lay down this reasoning that makes no sense. When you lay it down and put it aside, you are free to know the reasoning of the Holy Spirit, which is right-reasoning and is joy.
My Thoughts
I have recently stepped out of that loop. I still notice ego thoughts that try to pull me back into guilt. But I pay attention to my reaction to those thoughts. Am I tempted by them? Is there some part of me that believes them? If so, I offer them to the Light that then dispels the dark thoughts. I am not trying to get rid of the thoughts, only to get rid of any lingering belief in them. This is a reflection of my willingness to look within. From outside the loop, this is easy to do.
The following are entries from past journals.
They show my progress as I keep up my practice. They might be helpful to others who might be wondering, as I did, if they will ever make progress, much less succeed.
2007
I was trying to think about how I felt about today’s lesson. I want to believe this, and I am practicing what it feels like to be innocent. I’m trying it on and seeing how it fits. But after the practice, I go back to feeling guilty and unworthy, which leads to fear and anxiety and rage, and projection. But the practice must be helping because I also feel happy and joyous, and peaceful. And I feel the latter more often and for longer periods of time.
Here is what I think now. I think that I am innocent because that is the way I was created and what God creates is changeless. I exist within God, and so I cannot have anything God does not have. Therefore, I am innocent, and, of course, that means so is everyone else. There is no other way it could be. My innocence is assured, and nothing can affect it.
The reason I forget this and think that I am guilty is that I have not always remembered my innocence. For a long time, I have believed very strongly in my guilt. My guilt is tied to my belief in my specialness. The part of my mind that is my specialness and wants to continue to exist is hard at work generating guilty thoughts. This part of my mind does not want to see innocence and so does not look for it. Since I always see what I want to see, the part of my mind I look with is very important.
Practicing looking with the Holy Spirit, I more often find innocence.
As I do this, I lose interest in defending the ego part of the mind. I have been very identified with the ego, but I am beginning to loosen my hold on that identity. It does not appeal to me as much as it used to. Mostly, I believe that even if the ego stopped existing that I would not. However, sometimes I believe the ego and am afraid to surrender completely to God.
Yesterday, I practiced this way. I would notice a thought that someone was guilty of something, and I would remind myself that I would rather see Christ when I look at them. Easy to remember, and truly I mean it. The ego mind wants to see guilt, but I know this does not make me happy. I also noticed that sometimes it was myself I was making guilty, and I reminded myself that I also preferred to see the Christ when I looked within my self. This is the only truth about me or anyone else, and I want to see the truth.
2011
Four years later, everything I wrote is still true. The difference is that four years of practice has changed how often I listen to ego, and I notice I believe the Course more than I believe the ego. I still feel guilty, and I still project. But I notice these things right away, and as quickly as I can, I choose again. I am seldom tempted to stay in ego, and I am not confused by my thoughts as often as I used to be. I am mostly peaceful and mostly happy. Thank you, God.
Holy Spirit, what could I add to my practice that would help me remember God?
Holy Spirit: It would be helpful for you to more diligently practice quieting your mind. You use your thoughts to cover up what you fear looking at. You use your thoughts to distract. And you use your thoughts to throw a fog around your choices to keep the mind confused.
Me: I’m not sure I understand this.
Holy Spirit: Here is an example. The other day you were concerned about the cut on your finger and were afraid it was getting infected. You followed my simple prompt and touched the cut as you commanded it to heal, and immediately it began to heal. How did you feel about that?
Me: It felt right and natural.
I wasn’t even really surprised. In fact, I touched my side where I had been experiencing some chronic and severe pain and gave the same simple command; heal. That pain and all the symptoms disappeared and have never returned.
I wondered how this could happen and if it would last. Then I got to thinking about sharing this experience and how it connected to Lesson 190 about pain not being real that I have been practicing. But when I thought about telling anyone, I became afraid that it would come back and then I would look foolish.
I also started wondering if I could do this again and if this means I have reached some new threshold, and then I started worrying that I was being arrogant and that I was mistaken about the whole thing. And why did I still have pain in my leg? Why could I not just heal that, too?
Holy Spirit: This is why I want you to practice not listening to the ego chatter in your mind. Let go of ego thinking. It will confuse you and rob you of joy. When you let go of thinking for yourself, I will give you My thoughts, and there will be no confusion.
Me: Yes. I see that this is true. I know I have experienced the confusion dissolving away as I stopped thinking and asked You to fill my mind. So, I will practice more diligently. I have learned to value peace and to value You more than I value the idea of private thoughts. I will do this.
2014
The difference now is that I seldom believe the ego thoughts, and my mind is far more peaceful. I am now far more aware of the Christ within than I am of the ego mind. I recently began to feel overwhelmingly grateful and joyful, with no story attached to that, and with all sorts of stories without regard to how they would have made me feel before. This is pretty amazing!
If I can have this sometimes, I can have this always. It feels very accessible instead of something in the future. I am reminded of the Workbook Lesson that tells me that there is a place in me where there is perfect peace, where nothing is impossible, and where the strength of God abides. It is not that it will be there when I am awakened; it is there now. Let me turn my awareness to that place now.
2015
I have reached a place where I am no longer afraid to claim my thoughts. I know I am not guilty of what I think. This makes it much easier to do the forgiveness work. I see that I am projecting onto others, and I ask for healing. No more trying to find a loophole. In fact, I want to find the thoughts, and I am willing to let them go.
When I am not willing, I am willing to be willing. That is what guiltlessness does for me. Now I am allowing the idea that I am not guilty of my thoughts to be transferred to other parts of my life. For instance, I am not guilty of past behavior, and I am not guilty of my periodic outbursts of ego behavior. This should be easy because everything is an idea. My “behavior” is just a thought projected outward. But knowing this as a concept is not the same as internalizing it and living it. That time is coming, though.
I think there must still be fear of looking within, even with all my progress in forgiveness.
One time, years ago, I had the worst nightmare in the world. I dreamed of being in a large house that was evidently where I lived. Somehow I came to realize that there was a part of the house that no one ever went into, and I became curious. I had to work at finding a way in, but eventually, I did.
I had barely looked into that secret closed-off room when I was confronted by something so horrid and disturbing that there are no words to describe it. It was the most frightening experience I could imagine. I ran and ran and promised myself I would never go back there. In my sleep, I got away by waking myself up. Later, when that dream tried to return a couple of times, I refused to have it and woke myself up again.
After studying the Course some more, I realized what that room symbolized.
The room that scared me so badly and that I was afraid to go back into was the place I hide my guilt. It is the deeply buried unconscious guilt the Course talks about. The dream symbolized that for me and the fear I have of looking within. Jesus says if we go ahead and look past our dread and fear, we will discover that nothing is there. The darkness we imagine is there cannot stand up to the light that we are.
What I have done is to spend my days allowing bits of that guilt to come up into the light to be dispelled. This guilt appears as different behaviors but is really just the same guilt taking form in a variety of ways. Each time I have looked with the Holy Spirit, the darkness lost some of its fearsomeness because I have allowed Him to show me how unreal it is.
Guilt is nothing appearing as something, and through my vigilance and my willingness, I am beginning to believe that. Right now, I imagine the Holy Spirit as my protector, holding the light that dissipates my fears and shows me how insubstantial guilt and fear are. One day, I will go into that darkened room and watch the light of God within me show me …well, nothing. ~smile~
I’m not sure of the date for this one. Sometime between 2016 and 2018.
I question that I could have a will separate from God only when I am strongly identified with the ego facade. As the memory of who I am emerges, I know that this cannot be true. How could I have a will different from God when I am in God, of God, an integral part of God? I am an expression of God even now as I imagine myself as separate from Him. I am God experiencing Itself as this being. So how could I ever imagine that I actually have a will not like God’s?
If there is fear of looking within and finding that I have accomplished the impossible, then I don’t understand how that could still be there. But perhaps there is something left that resists. I was meditating last night and doing so with a guided meditation. I was close to sleep and so was not defended.
In the meditation, the speaker was talking about this life as not having meaning.
I can understand this. My thoughts show me a meaningless world, and while God did not create a meaningless world, what I experience here is not something God created. So, yes. I see that this life has no meaning. But in that unguarded moment, I felt fear rise up in me. I was afraid of my life not having meaning.
The confusion, of course, is in thinking that this experience is actually life. It is not, it is a dream of life. What I think happens is that when I no longer value the story of Myron, I can relinquish it to the Holy Spirit. He will then infuse it with meaning. It will not be any meaning that the ego would recognize, but it would be meaning that will bring joy and peace and that would be helpful to my brothers and sisters.
This beautiful transformation has already occurred, actually, as it has in all of us. The Holy Spirit has healed us, and all effects of any errors have been completely undone. All that is left to be done is for us to move through our fear to see our pristine altar. So there is truly nothing to fear at the idea of looking within. I will find only the Holiness of God there.
Contemplation 2025