Our review for today covers the following:
(26) My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
How can I know who I am when I see myself as under constant attack? Pain, illness, loss, age and death seem to threaten me. All my hopes and wishes and plans appear to be at the mercy of a world I cannot control. Yet perfect security and complete fulfillment are my inheritance. I have tried to give my inheritance away in exchange for the world I see. But God has kept my inheritance safe for me. My own real thoughts will teach me what it is.
(27) Above all else I want to see.
Recognizing that what I see reflects what I think I am, I realize that vision is my greatest need. The world I see attests to the fearful nature of the self-image I have made. If I would remember who I am, it is essential that I let this image of myself go. As it is replaced by truth, vision will surely be given me. And with this vision, I will look upon the world and on myself with charity and love.
(28) Above all else I want to see differently.
The world I see holds my fearful self-image in place, and guarantees its continuance. While I see the world as I see it now, truth cannot enter my awareness. I would let the door behind this world be opened for me, that I may look past it to the world that reflects the Love of God.
(28) God is in everything I see.
Behind every image I have made, the truth remains unchanged. Behind every veil I have drawn across the face of love, its light remains undimmed. Beyond all my insane wishes is my will, united with the Will of my Father. God is still everywhere and in everything forever. And we who are part of Him will yet look past all appearances, and recognize the truth beyond them all.
(30) God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.
In my own mind, behind all my insane thoughts of separation and attack, is the knowledge that all is one forever. I have not lost the knowledge of Who I am because I have forgotten it. It has been kept for me in the Mind of God, Who has not left His Thoughts. And I, who am among them, am one with them and one with Him.
1 (26) My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
Over and over, Jesus tells us that it is our attack thoughts that hurt us. This morning as I was making my coffee, I noticed that the mind was chattering away. I stopped the runaway thoughts and looked at them. They were all attack thoughts. I am convinced that all ego thoughts are attack thoughts. Either they are blatant attack thoughts or they are more subtle attack thoughts.
Even the happier thoughts attack my invulnerability. For instance, the thought that I am getting really good at catching these thoughts implies that I am not perfect and that I am not yet safe. And yet, even with all of these many attack thoughts, God has kept my inheritance safe for me. So I am actually only attacking my sense of invulnerability. Why then is it important that I do anything about this? It is because what I believe is true for me and my belief in my vulnerability is causing me to suffer greatly. I am tired of suffering and want to remember my true thoughts.
2 (27) Above all else I want to see.
“Recognizing that what I see reflects what I think I am, I realize that vision is my greatest need.”
To see myself as I really am, I must let go of the image I have made of myself. This is my job right now, letting go of what I see so that vision will show me what I am. The ego mind is especially active right now. Because of the body issues that are happening, the ego senses that I am susceptible to its fear thoughts. How perfect that these are the lessons I am working on.
(28) Above all else, I want to see differently.
“While I see the world as I see it now, truth cannot enter my awareness.”
Jesus is not asking me to wait until the world is different in order to be happy and safe. He is saying that there is a world that I can see right now if I am willing to look past the world I presently see. The world I see right now is a reflection of the ego attack thoughts in my mind. As I am willing to give up those thoughts and embrace the true thoughts in my mind, the world will look different to me. Just as my ego thoughts are reflected on the world, God’s thoughts if held consistently in my mind will reflect His perfect love. I believe this is true because it is what Jesus promises in the Course. My faith is reinforced as I consider those who have gone before me and proven that it is true.
4 (29) God is in everything I see.
“God is still everywhere and in everything forever. And we who are part of Him will yet look past all appearances, and recognize the truth beyond them all.”
It can seem to be impossible that God is in everything I see. That seems too inclusive to be true. There are some pretty awful things out there, and yet, to be true it must be inclusive. If there is anything in which God does not exist, then I am not safe and therefore I am not as God created me. I will not be fooled by the images I have made. Behind them is the truth reflected and I can choose to see that instead.
5(30) God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.
“I have not lost the knowledge of Who I am because I have forgotten it. It has been kept for me in the Mind of God, Who has not left His Thoughts.”
Ahh, now we see how it is that my true identity is held safe for me. It is being kept for me in the Mind of God. And God has not left me. This passage calls me a Thought in the Mind of God. How could I be any safer than this? Thought cannot be sick or guilty; it cannot be in pain nor can it die. And Thought in the Mind of God can only be what God is or it could not be in God. I am one with all of God’s Thoughts and one with God. I will remember this and everything I have believed before will fall away. My only job now is to allow myself to be convinced that this is what I want instead of what I made to take its place.
These are the two tips that resonate with me most profoundly.
Review 27. Above all else I want to see: This is another way of saying, “Above all else I want to be immersed in truth-awareness.” One who wants to be immersed in truth-awareness must keep God on her mind. A loving, devotional attitude is best. Worship God in every experience. Let the false self be lost in the devotional thought of God.
Review 28. Above all else I want to see differently: When what you see does not shine with true awareness, look to see what your thoughts are. Your attention has strayed from your heart. Your sight witnesses to your attention. Be grateful that the world has awakened you, and bring your attention back to God. Sing a silent song of devotion, and reawaken to your heart.
The world I currently see is an image of the chaotic thoughts in the mind. It is an image of a world gone mad with the belief that separation reigns and Oneness is just a dream. It is an image of war and murder, of pain and sickness, of rage and hatred, of anxiety and depression. Even if at this moment you are untouched by any of this, the mind is uneasy because it knows the next disaster is just around the corner. It also knows, even if it does not acknowledge the knowing, that what touches another touches all.
The real tragedy is that none of this true, none of it is real, and I can see differently if I simply give up my attack thoughts. Behind every scene of fear and guilt and the misery they cause is God. I can see Reality instead of the illusions I made from my thoughts if I choose to. All I have to do is release my fearful, guilt-ridden attack thoughts to the Holy Spirit, and the thoughts that take their place will be my real thoughts, the thoughts I think with God. From these loving thoughts I will make a world of love and peace and joy, and then I will return to my real Home in God.
Thinking about that upset I wrote about when I was still working, I see it as an example of how my attack thoughts keep me in hell, attack thoughts against others or myself, it doesn’t matter because the result is the same. In that situation, I was probably going to lose an important customer and this triggered my fear of lack and loss of credibility at work. I used the lessons we have been doing to bring my mind back to the truth, but it was really hard. I kept returning to the guilt and fear. When I felt fearful and guilty I would project onto others and make them guilty instead of me. All of these are attack thoughts. When I wasn’t attacking myself, I was attacking everyone else involved.
It was discouraging to see how tightly I held onto the images I had made to represent the fear and guilt in my mind. As if they were real and important to me. The ego mind kept trying to find a solution within the story, as if one more story would finally be the one that brought me happiness. This in spite of eons of stories that never offered a real solution. The question I asked myself is why in spite of the misery it causes me, would I choose to believe in attack and competition, loss and lack, rage and fear, when I could instead abide in the peace of God that is always available to me?
The Course tells me that I deliberately keep these stories in place by believing in them and thus refusing to see what is real. It says I do this because I am afraid of God. I am so afraid of God that I will suffer and die before I leave the cover of my made up world. I cannot find that fear of God in my mind, but I will take Jesus’ word on that. If I have that kind of fear in my mind, I don’t really want to look at it directly, and I am not being asked to.
Jesus has completed the Atonement and this means I have, too, because we share the same mind. I only have to accept it, and I am being given this gentle and simple way to do so. I am looking at the fear and guilt that my stories show me is still in my mind, and I release them to the Holy Spirit, asking that He remove them from my mind.
I notice how much I want to hold onto my stories, how justified I feel in my guilt, and how dangerous it feels to look away from what I fear. I ask for the Atonement for this and I accept it to the degree I am able to at this time. I am patient and gentle with myself. What has helped a great deal is to then change my focus to the truth, reading the Course or something related. Or doing the lesson or just asking Holy Spirit to give me true thoughts to focus on instead.
The ego mind really doesn’t want to shift the focus from the illusion to the truth and so I have to do that deliberately. No matter how many times my mind wanders back to the story and looks into the past for ways I or someone else is guilty, or looks to the future for ways I will suffer because of this incident, I just keep doing my part of the Atonement. I do this because more than anything I want to see.
It is absolutely necessary that I remember to do only my part. I do not heal myself, and the feeling that I must do more is the way the ego maintains the illusion of the separate will it is so very proud of. In doing this work, I am essentially remembering that I am one with All. I am one with all my brothers, one with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I am one with God, and in spite of the nagging voice of the ego, I know He does love me, too.
We are inseparable; all of us part of God and part of the Christ. Trying to heal myself is trying to resist this union and that was where I got into trouble to begin with. That desire for separation is what I am undoing. So I do my part in choosing God, and the Holy Spirit does His part in healing my mind. My present-day experience of this is that this shift to vision now comes much more easily and quickly because now I know that God is in everything I see because God is in my mind. Also, I am not upset at all by what I find in my mind, no matter how dark. I am just happy I found it so I can look with the Holy Spirit and let it be released. As I do this more often, I am making images that reflect the light more than the dark.