Today’s review includes the following:
(21) I am determined to see things differently.
What I see now are but signs of disease, disaster and death. This cannot be what God created for His beloved Son. The very fact that I see such things is proof that I do not understand God. Therefore I also do not understand His Son. What I see tells me that I do not know who I am. I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself.
(22) What I see is a form of vengeance.
The world I see is hardly the representation of loving thoughts. It is a picture of attack on everything by everything. It is anything but a reflection of the Love of God and the Love of His Son. It is my own attack thoughts that give rise to this picture. My loving thoughts will save me from this perception of the world, and give me the peace God intended me to have.
(23) I can escape from this world by giving up attack thoughts.
Herein lies salvation, and nowhere else. Without attack thoughts I could not see a world of attack. As forgiveness allows love to return to my awareness, I will see a world of peace and safety and joy. And it is this I choose to see, in place of what I look on now.
(24) I do not perceive my own best interests.
How could I recognize my own best interests when I do not know who I am? What I think are my best interests would merely bind me closer to the world of illusions. I am willing to follow the Guide God has given me to find out what my own best interests are, recognizing that I cannot perceive them by myself.
(25) I do not know what anything is for.
To me, the purpose of everything is to prove that my illusions about myself are real. It is for this purpose that I attempt to use everyone and everything. It is for this that I believe the world is for. Therefore I do not recognize its real purpose. The purpose I have given the world has led to a frightening picture of it. Let me open my mind to the world’s real purpose by withdrawing the one I have given it, and learning the truth about it.
Journal(21) I am determined to see things differently.
“I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me…”
I am inundated with “proof” that I am not as God created me. That is what this world is all about, being something I am not. So I am going to have to put some effort into seeing differently, to seeing witnesses to the truth. I am determined to do this now, and from now on. This is an interesting time for me to choose this focus.
My body is not at its best and my finances are strained because of the costs associated with the body issues. These circumstances alone point to the illusion rather than the truth. On the other hand, I see all of this and recognize that it is an illusion. There was a time when I would have gotten lost in the story and suffered intense anxiety and that isn’t happening now, so this points to the truth.
2 (22) What I see is a form of vengeance.
“It is my own attack thoughts that give rise to this picture.”
That I have chosen to believe in separation guarantees attack thoughts. If there are two, there is competition and the idea of competition is the idea of attack. As I was writing about this, I received a message on Facebook to beware of friending a particular person because he is a hacker I need to be afraid of. It’s a hoax and generally, I just say so and think nothing of it. But this time, I saw it differently. I saw it as a form of vengeance.
This hoax is an attack and the desire to defend is an attack. I, of course, checked with Snopes to be sure it is not real because that is normal caution. But to react in fear and to encourage fear is just feeding into the ego thought system and making it stronger. Not that I haven’t done exactly that in the past, because I have done so and probably continue to do so in a million little ways. But I thought this might be a good time to turn this particular form of vengeance around and offer peace instead.
So many times we are challenged in our lives with lack and loss, pain and sickness, and broken relationships. As Course students, we might look for the wrong thought in an effort to avoid these situations in the future. Sometimes we can even see the link between a thought and its effect, but often, I think, it is just a general belief in attack and defense that causes the situations we come to regret. This time when the hoax showed up, I chose to do more than ignore it or call it out. I chose to meet it with peace.
3 (23) I can escape from this world by giving up attack thoughts.
“Herein lies salvation, and nowhere else.”
Talk about simplifying the whole thing! All that I have to do is notice these attack thoughts and realize I am no longer interested in them. The Holy Spirit will do Its part and eventually, the mind snaps to the fact that all attack thoughts are the same and none are true or real or valuable. This is the path out of the world I made.
4 (24) I do not perceive my own best interests.
“I am willing to follow the Guide God has given me to find out what my own best interests are, recognizing that I cannot perceive them by myself.”
There are a few things in ACIM that I have fully accepted. One of them is that I know that I am never a victim of the world I see. That is never up for debate; I simply am not. This is another of those. At no time do I perceive my own best interest if I am depending on the ego mind to make that decision.
The ego does not know who I am. The ego thinks it is me and so will always assume what is good for the ego is good for me. This will only bind me more closely to the world if I accept it as true. I do not, so if I realize I have inadvertently asked the ego for help, I put that advice aside and ask the Holy Spirit instead.
5 (25) I do not know what anything is for.
“To me, the purpose of everything is to prove that my illusions about myself are real.”
The entire world, including this separate self I think of as me, was made for the purpose of providing me with an experience outside reality. The only way this could work is if I entered it with temporary amnesia. I have to forget everything that is true and real if I am to have an experience of separation. There is another purpose to the world and it is just waiting for me to be ready to see it. I am ready to withdraw my own purpose now and as I do so, the real world is revealed. So far this has occurred slowly a little at a time. It is hard not to be impatient.
This is my favorite tip from Regina today. I relate.
Review 22. What I see is a form of vengeance: What I see has changed, because my mind—my attention—has changed. My seeing is more joyous and more reverent than before.
I spontaneously notice the majestic power of a bird’s flapping wings as it passes overhead, and it takes my breath away. I hear silence amidst the sounds of this world and feel its peace in my heart. I see ‘problems’ as temporary and life as unending.
Where is there room for improvement?
I see life as busy. I see humans creating their own busyness unnecessarily. I realize I am caught in this cycle. Busyness needs to be questioned, because it keeps us centered in the world instead of in God.
What I see is a form of busyness. ~ha ha~ Okay, this tells me what I need to work on, and so I will.
I wrote this while still at work and still healing those work relationships. My workplace had been my classroom for over 20 years. So many contentious relationships that I worked on and while they all seemed different, in the end, I realized they were just different forms of the same problem. It felt hard a lot of the time, even impossible, but I was determined to see. Before I left, they were all healed, even the ones I had thought impossible. As it turns out, it is just as Jesus says, we can ask to see differently and we will be answered, but we will know the answer only to the degree we are willing to accept it. Finally, my willingness grew to that point. The following is an example of the process as I experienced it.
I am Determined to See Differently
The idea in this review lesson that is really helpful to me today is that I am determined to see things differently. Today is a good day for me to renew my commitment toward this purpose. Everything is about relationships in this world. Relationships can be an expression of union, of joining and sharing. Or they can be the classroom where we learn our lessons so that we can have the experience of oneness and realize that is our purpose.
Yesterday at work I had a bit of both. I have written about a coworker with whom I have experienced much friction. I worked resolutely toward ending this animosity, asking for healing each time the opportunity arose, which happened pretty much every time we were in the same room, or even when I thought of him. The work paid off, and I was pretty sure it was done. But yesterday I saw proof that it was completely over. I felt nothing but kindness and love toward him. The only thing that changed was my mind.
On the other hand, there has been upheaval in the office as one key person in our sales department was suddenly fired, and has not been replaced. I had a personal relationship with her as well as a work relationship, so I felt the change acutely. I also have a customer who is having a serious problem and my competition is taking advantage of this opportunity to move in on this customer. So there is another relationship with lessons and the one that is most disturbing to me.
I have a lot of feelings about this, but the one that is causing the most distress for me is that this customer represents a pretty substantial income stream for me, so this triggers the belief in loss and lack for me. I notice that just as I think I have released these feelings to the Holy Spirit, I think of something else about it. I have a fear thought about the future, or I feel anger toward the customer, or I project guilt onto someone else involved. What I see is a form of vengeance.
But I am determined to see this differently. Each time I feel upset, I am seeing the relationships fractured and I feel the effects of separation acutely. I remind myself that I have dedicated all thought to union, and this is what I want. I want all relationships to be whole, to be an experience of oneness. Even one relationship that remains outside this purpose ends the sense of wholeness, because with one left out I am no longer whole.
I think that I am upset because of money, because of my standing at work, because of my damaged view of myself as a good sales rep, but really those are just forms of a problem. Through my perception of this situation, and through my ego desire for this relationship to be special, and because of these attack thoughts, I have lost all sense of union. That is the content of the problem, the cause of the upset, and the thought that made the image of a lost customer that I am now seeing and experiencing.
And yet, I do not know my own best interest, which are definitely not about how much money I make and who buys from me, and my status at work. I am determined to see this differently. I am determined to look away from the ego’s goal of defending my specialness and toward the Holy Spirit’s goal of awakening. I am consistently reminding myself that I am dedicated to union, that lack and loss and confusion are not part of God and so cannot be part of me. Fear feels so real and so justified when I think with the ego mind, but fear is just a feeling and one I choose. I can choose differently.
It can be difficult to look away from fear, but each time I do so, I am stronger in my determination to see differently. I do not know what I am and it follows that I do not know what anything is for. But because of what I am, I can have what I want, and I get what I want all the time. Since yesterday I have wanted first, separation, then union, then separation again and so my head was spinning. But making a conscious choice for oneness with all facets, and all people in this situation is turning me toward God and so toward peace.