You have learned, therefore, to fear desire because that fear is the effect of fearing yourself, and that is what cripples you.
What I learned
This section is helping me to look honestly at my fear of desire. Before I read this I did not even realize I had a fear of desire. I just never thought about it and could not understand what the big deal was. Now that I am paying attention I see what I had been pretending did not exist.
It seems that desires have been getting me in trouble all my life. When I moved into puberty I experienced a desire for sexual experience. I was Catholic and was told that this was a sin, not just to do it but to desire it, if I was not married. This was not the first time I was taught to be ashamed of my desires, but it was such a big deal for so long that it really made an impression on me.
I love Haagen Dazs ice cream and every time I read this section and he talks about ice cream I start to desire it. I began noticing how I was suppressing the desire for ice cream. This is because I don’t trust myself to want ice cream without acting on that desire. I have bought my favorite flavor and kept it in the freezer for a long time just eating a bite now and again but then sometimes I buy it and eat the whole thing. Then I feel out of control and weak. It was helpful to read this phrase: “…YOU decide whether or not you will act on it.” I am encouraged to take a moment between desiring and acting on that desire to decide if I want to do this. It is important that I understand that I am not controlled by Haagen Daz, but by my own decisions. Who makes the decision? I do! Can I decide differently? Absolutely!
The only relationship that holds any value at all
is your relationship with God, your creative Source,
the depth of the ocean.
What I learned
I understand this next axiom and I have no argument with it. I am uncertain how this applies to the subject at hand. If anyone has a thought on this I would be interested.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.