Lesson 217
I am not a body. I am free.
For I am still as God created me.
(197) It can be but my gratitude I earn.
Who should give thanks for my salvation but myself?
And how but through salvation can I find the Self to
Whom my thanks are due?
I am not a body. I am free.
For I am still as God created me.
Review
I am grateful for my salvation which seems closer all the time. But oddly, the closer I get, the less of me there is to accept that thanks. That is because, in salvation, I find my Self. So right now, I sit on the proverbial fence, leaning first toward the self and then leaning more toward the Self. I can never come down on the side of self because I have come too far, but I seem not to be ready to fully commit to Self. I don’t know why.
This wavering is not ideal and I will be glad when I do finally commit, but it does not decrease my gratitude. Every day, I am happier and more content. Every day, I am more peaceful than all the days before. Only rarely now do I have days of discontent, though I do have brief periods of falling into the rabbit hole. Even when I do, though, I am never lost in them. I know what is happening and I immediately start digging my way out. So, yes, I am deeply grateful to my self/Self and all the spiritual forces that act on my behalf.
Past Entry
And I am, indeed, thankful for my salvation. I am so grateful for the peace and love that are consistent elements of my life now. I used to be a morose, angry, self-destructive, and depressed person filled with self-loathing. This is not true about me anymore. This sea change I have witnessed in myself has proven to me that there is something else, a Self yet to be discovered.
Because I am still looking at and releasing ego beliefs, I sometimes forget to look at the big picture. I get confused and discouraged at times, and I wonder if I will ever loose myself from this illusion. But then other times, times when I write with Spirit, when I teach, when someone asks for help and I let that help come through me, these times I feel differently about it. I feel like my real self, I feel at home.
Then I slip from my lofty perch on the mountaintop and I am back in the valley again, doing the work. But the reality of Self is in my mind and so I never get lost in the valley, frustrated maybe, but I know I am not that. Here is what I know and what I always come back to. I want the peace of God, and the peace of God is all I want. All I am doing in the valley of tears is looking at what I used to want more than I wanted the peace of God. I am looking and making a decision, to keep the other thing, or to choose again, this time for God.
I remember one day while I was still working, the heat and humidity were extreme. The customer I was working with got an emergency call. He had to excuse himself so he could take care of one of his workers who got overheated and had to go to the hospital. This was in the morning around 10:00 and we had not come close to the real heat of the day.
Here is what I did. I noticed how my mind wanted to feel victimized and unfairly treated. I noticed how it wanted to suffer and feel sorry for itself. I noticed and decided that all I really want is the peace of God. I cannot have the peace of God if I have any of those other choices. Suffering is not peace; it is not God. It was an interesting day as I witnessed myself make the choice over and over. I am in gratitude for the work with my mind that I did that day. I wonder what miracles I will experience today. I am truly grateful to my Self.I fully embrace Regina’s tip today and am grateful to her.
Regina’s Tips
Once we have decided to awaken, the purpose of the entire universe is our awakening. It is the purpose of meditation and the purpose of conflict. It is the purpose of inspiring teachings, and it is the purpose of apparent rejection. It is the purpose of inner guidance, and it is the purpose of everything in the world that seems to be going against ‘my way.’ It is the purpose of everything.
Since our personal awakening is the sole purpose of the universe, we can be grateful for everything. Everything is occurring to help us reach this goal. It is all in support of our purpose. Nothing stands against us. Everything is with us.
My personal prayer at dinnertime each night is this: “Holy Spirit, thank you so very much for everything. Amen.” As I pray, I remember the day. I remember both that which inspired me and that which challenged me, and I let myself feel genuine gratitude for all of it. This keeps the purpose of awakening foremost in my mind and enables me to use everything for this one purpose.