Lesson 182
I will be still an instant and go home.
1. This world you seem to live in is not home to you. ²And somewhere in your mind you know that this is true. ³A memory of home keeps haunting you, as if there were a place that called you to return, although you do not recognize the voice, nor what it is the voice reminds you of. ⁴Yet still you feel an alien here, from somewhere all unknown. ⁵Nothing so definite that you could say with certainty you are an exile here. ⁶Just a persistent feeling, sometimes not more than a tiny throb, at other times hardly remembered, actively dismissed, but surely to return to mind again.
2. No one but knows whereof we speak. ²Yet some try to put by their suffering in games they play to occupy their time, and keep their sadness from them. ³Others will deny that they are sad, and do not recognize their tears at all. ⁴Still others will maintain that what we speak of is illusion, not to be considered more than but a dream. ⁵Yet who, in simple honesty, without defensiveness and self-deception, would deny he understands the words we speak?
I have never felt at home here, never felt like I fit in. I had no idea why or what to do about it. I didn’t know how to be like everyone else and didn’t feel like I wanted to try. A Course in Miracles helped me to see that there was nothing wrong with me. I was just waking up from the dream.
3. We speak today for everyone who walks this world, for he is not at home. ²He goes uncertainly about in endless search, seeking in darkness what he cannot find; not recognizing what it is he seeks. ³A thousand homes he makes, yet none contents his restless mind. ⁴He does not understand he builds in vain. ⁵The home he seeks can not be made by him. ⁶There is no substitute for Heaven. ⁷All he ever made was hell.
No one is at home here. We scurry around like crazy people trying to find a place to fit in or to make a place of our own that makes us feel ok. But all we really accomplish is to rearrange the hell we made and nothing changes. We cannot make Heaven; we can only return to it. I tried to make Heaven three times with different men but all ended in divorce because I didn’t know what was wrong much less how to fix it.
4. Perhaps you think it is your childhood home that you would find again. ²The childhood of your body, and its place of shelter, are a memory now so distorted that you merely hold a picture of a past that never happened. ³Yet there is a Child in you Who seeks His Father’s house, and knows that He is alien here. ⁴This childhood is eternal, with an innocence that will endure forever. ⁵Where this Child shall go is holy ground. ⁶It is His Holiness that lights up Heaven, and that brings to earth the pure reflection of the light above, wherein are earth and Heaven joined as one.
5. It is this Child in you your Father knows as His Own Son. ²It is this Child Who knows His Father. ³He desires to go home so deeply, so unceasingly, His voice cries unto you to let Him rest a while. ⁴He does not ask for more than just a few instants of respite; just an interval in which He can return to breathe again the holy air that fills His Father’s house. ⁵You are His home as well. ⁶He will return. ⁷But give Him just a little time to be Himself, within the peace that is His home, resting in silence and in peace and love.
I have begun to spend some time each day resting in God, breathing that holy air. It is not a lot but it is a welcome respite from the world and encourages me to focus my mind on Love rather than fear, to choose God rather than ego. I want to go Home.
6. This Child needs your protection. ²He is far from home. ³He is so little that He seems so easily shut out, His tiny voice so readily obscured, His call for help almost unheard amid the grating sounds and harsh and rasping noises of the world. ⁴Yet does He know that in you still abides His sure protection. ⁵You will fail Him not. ⁶He will go home, and you along with Him.
Thank goodness we don’t have to worry about not making it Home. We will get there, but we can get there faster if we listen to the Voice within rather than to the voices of the world. The Child referenced here is the Christ and that still quiet Voice can be drowned out by the ego that we made for that purpose. The world with all its drama and chaos is what keeps our attention and leaves us confused and feeling weak and alone.
7. This Child is your defenselessness; your strength. ²He trusts in you. ³He came because He knew you would not fail. ⁴He whispers of His home unceasingly to you. ⁵For He would bring you back with Him, that He Himself might stay, and not return again where He does not belong, and where He lives an outcast in a world of alien thoughts. ⁶His patience has no limits. ⁷He will wait until you hear His gentle Voice within you, calling you to let Him go in peace, along with you, to where He is at home and you with Him.
8. When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice. ²So poignantly He calls to you that you will not resist Him longer. ³In that instant He will take you to His home, and you will stay with Him in perfect stillness, silent and at peace, beyond all words, untouched by fear and doubt, sublimely certain that you are at home.
Christ trusts us and will wait patiently for us to hear Him. We will hear Him when we lose interest in the world. I used to be interested in having the perfect relationship, in having more money, in being successful at my job, and all sorts of nonsense that didn’t make me happy or bring me peace. I worked very hard to gain through these fruitless pursuits and it never worked. It did drown out the Voice for a long time, though. But not now.
9. Rest with Him frequently today. ²For He was willing to become a little Child that you might learn of Him how strong is he who comes without defenses, offering only love’s messages to those who think he is their enemy. ³He holds the might of Heaven in His hand and calls them friend, and gives His strength to them, that they may see He would be Friend to them. ⁴He asks that they protect Him, for His home is far away, and He will not return to it alone.
10. Christ is reborn as but a little Child each time a wanderer would leave his home. ²For he must learn that what he would protect is but this Child, Who comes defenseless and Who is protected by defenselessness. ³Go home with Him from time to time today. ⁴You are as much an alien here as He.
Christ is here to show us that it is in our defenselessness that our safety lies and that our true strength is our defenselessness. Christ is here to call us Home. We don’t belong here any more than does He. I practice releasing the false beliefs that brought me to this world and I practice resting in Christ each day so He can remind me of what I gave up when I chose to wander the world a while.
11. Take time today to lay aside your shield which profits nothing, and lay down the spear and sword you raised against an enemy without existence. ²Christ has called you friend and brother. ³He has even come to ask your help in letting Him go home today, completed and completely. ⁴He has come as does a little child, who must beseech his father for protection and for love. ⁵He rules the universe, and yet He asks unceasingly that you return with Him, and take illusions as your gods no more.
I will not resist Christ anymore. I will accept His help and together we will return to our Home. I love that last sentence. ⁵He rules the universe, and yet He asks unceasingly that you return with Him, and take illusions as your gods no more. Oh my goodness!
12. You have not lost your innocence. ²It is for this you yearn. ³This is your heart’s desire. ⁴This is the voice you hear, and this the call which cannot be denied. ⁵The holy Child remains with you. ⁶His home is yours. ⁷Today He gives you His defenselessness, and you accept it in exchange for all the toys of battle you have made. ⁸And now the way is open, and the journey has an end in sight at last. ⁹Be still an instant and go home with Him, and be at peace a while.
So little is asked of me. I am asked to stop doing things that hurt me and to stop resisting Love. I am asked to look with the Holy Spirit at my thoughts so that He can heal my mind for me. I am asked to spend some time each day in peace with the Christ so that I can be relieved of the suffering I have caused myself if only for a little while. These are things I can do and will do gladly.