IV. The Only Answer, P 8
8 The introduction of abilities into being was the beginning of uncertainty, because abilities are potentials, not accomplishments. Your abilities are useless in the presence of God’s accomplishments, and also of yours. Accomplishments are results that have been achieved. When they are perfect, abilities are meaningless. It is curious that the perfect must now be perfected. In fact, it is impossible. Remember, however, that when you put yourself in an impossible situation you believe that the impossible is possible.
God created me perfect. He created me as part of Himself. There is no such thing as abilities in creation, because all is accomplished. With the introduction of the separation idea, abilities were needed because in separation there was now the illusion of imperfection and so there was the illusion that something needed to be done.
I am still perfect and still in God and I do not need to learn anything because in the Kingdom there is not even the idea of learning. However, since I do not believe I am in the Kingdom, since I believe I am separate from the Kingdom, I have placed myself in the truly bizarre position of needing to become perfect and so I need abilities and I need to develop them.
An example of an ability that I developed is listening to Holy Spirit. When I began this process it was pretty shaky. I tried different methods until I found what works for me, which is meditative writing. It sounds pretty cut and dried. Try this. No. Try that. No. Oh, Ok, this works. But it is never easy with ego because ego is questions, doubts and fears.
So I would try meditating in the usual way and would fail. I failed over and over. I watched everyone else succeed and report these wonderful results, and yet, I could not do it. I felt like a failure and I felt like I was the one who was unforgiven. In other words, I suffered.
That’s the way it works with ego. Ego would have kept me in this process forever if it could, trying one method and then another, reading books on meditation, listening to meditation CDs, taking meditation classes. But I had a burning desire to hear that Voice and enough willingness to keep that desire alive.
Finally I turned from the ego and sought help from my Guide. I didn’t even know I had been trying to learn from the ego what the ego was determined I not learn. I didn’t know that I was finally turning to my true teacher. All I knew was that I still wanted it but that I gave up trying to give it to myself. Surrender is what allowed the Holy Spirit to help me. He can never take from us what we want to keep, or give to us what we are determined to give to ourselves. But the moment we truly want His help, it is done.
Once I discovered that I could speak to and listen to the Holy Spirit as I wrote, it only remained to develop this ability further. I did this through daily practice and even that felt like suffering at first. This is because the ego joined me in the practice, constantly criticizing and discouraging my attempts. But because I truly desire this communication, I learned how to become more fully surrendered to the process.
Actually, looking back on it, I realize it was never hard to hear His Voice. It only seemed hard because I was trying to listen to two completely opposed Voices at the same time. When I finally chose the one Voice I wanted, it became easy and now I look forward to each morning sitting here with Him. While I was at the hospital with my son I was not able to give this time to Spirit and I missed it.
So this is an ability I developed. I learned to hear the Voice for God and to write what I heard. This is a ridiculous thing. How could I not hear that Voice? It is in me. It speaks to me all through the day. It is the only thing that is real. It is both God’s Will and my will. And yet, I had to develop the ability to hear clearly, and still I am further developing the ability to hear even more clearly. It is an insane situation made necessary through insane choices.