III. The Relinquishment of Attack, P 1
1 As we have already emphasized, every idea begins in the mind of the thinker. Therefore, what extends from the mind is still in it, and from what it extends it knows itself. The word “knows” is correct here, because the Holy Spirit still holds knowledge safe in your mind through His impartial perception. By attacking nothing, He presents no barrier to the communication of God. Therefore, being is never threatened. Your Godlike mind can never be defiled. The ego never was and never will be part of it, but through the ego you can hear and teach and learn what is not true. You have taught yourself to believe that you are not what you are. You cannot teach what you have not learned, and what you teach you strengthen in yourself because you are sharing it. Every lesson you teach you are learning.
I am happy to be reminded that my true Godlike mind can never be defiled. The ego cannot really touch me. My being is never threatened. I am as God created me and nothing will ever change that. I am His perfect creation, and I am that right now!
So what the heck is going on? What is it that is happening that makes it seem like I am so much less than that? In my absolute freedom I chose to have an experience that was different. In A Course in Miracles, we call that experience ego. The ego has never been part of my true mind, but it is part of my experience. It is a choice I made and one I continue to make as I continue to teach myself that the truth is not true.
When I think attack thoughts I project attack into my life and thus teach myself that I am endangered. This is an absurd lesson because as the Son of God I could never be in danger. However, through my projection of self as a fragile body with feelings easily hurt, I convinced myself that I am in need of constant defense. To defend myself I attack and the cycle continues. I have built up layers and layers of belief through this unbroken cycle of defense and attack, and I have taught myself that I am what I could never be.
Because my true mind is unassailable, I can stop this crazy thinking and return to sanity. The Holy Spirit is in my mind for that purpose. I can make a different choice by allowing the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief that attack is my only option. When I am ready to wake up the Holy Spirit will show me how love is my true strength.
I have been letting go of this belief that I am separate and under siege and the ego mind is all in a panic about this. Sometimes its desire to continue as the maker of my world appears as an all out assault on my peace. It will generate thoughts of disaster and these will be projected as stories of pain and suffering, like my son being sick or guilt over something I did or something I failed to do.
Other times it will try to shore up its position through a running commentary of past errors and future dangers. This mind chatter has been part of my experience for so long that I hardly notice it and yet, through these thoughts, I am teaching myself that I have reason to be afraid and reason to protect myself.
This morning while I was getting dressed this chatter was going on. Suddenly I realized what was happening. I was thinking about a mistake someone at work had made and the repercussions that error could have on my financial situation. I began to feel very angry and resentful of that person. This is something that happened months ago and whatever repercussions occurred were so minor that I can’t even track them.
But the ego found fertile ground in my mind to sow some seeds of fear and doubt. I saw myself as separate from this man and saw him as the enemy. I wanted to see him reprimanded at the very least, and maybe fired so that he couldn’t do this awful thing again. All this was passing through my mind almost casually.
I imagined the ego quietly going about its devious work, sowing seeds of fear and anger while I wasn’t paying attention, making sure that it kept me involved in its plans of defense and attack. Its real goal is to keep me from remembering who I am, because then it ends. Encouraging me to look on others as separate from me and seeing myself as vulnerable is the way the ego accomplishes this.
When I noticed the ego at work in my mind, I halted the flow of attack thoughts. This is not what I want. I don’t want to attack that man. I want to see him as my brother, as my self. We are one Self, he and I and I would not attack myself. I don’t want to see him just as “not guilty,” I want to see him as he is in truth.
I want to see his holy Self. I want to see myself as that one as well. I can’t have one without the other because what I teach myself about him, I learn. If I believe he is less than holy, I learn that I am less than holy. As I teach separation, fear and guilt, I cut myself off from my real mind, and thus disrupt communication with my Father. Allowing untrue thoughts to go unquestioned in my mind is how I continue to choose ego. Questioning those thoughts and asking for correction is how I choose to awaken.