II. The Alternative to Projection, P 3 Cont.
3 Yet projection will always hurt you. It reinforces your belief in your own split mind, and its only purpose is to keep the separation going. It is solely a device of the ego to make you feel different from your brothers and separated from them. The ego justifies this on the grounds that it makes you seem “better” than they are, thus obscuring your equality with them still further. Projection and attack are inevitably related, because projection is always a means of justifying attack. Anger without projection is impossible. The ego uses projection only to destroy your perception of both yourself and your brothers. The process begins by excluding something that exists in you but which you do not want, and leads directly to excluding you from your brothers.
Journal
I am going to buy a new car, an activity I don’t look forward to. I feel at a disadvantage in this situation. I am not good at looking at all the aspects of a situation and pinpointing the ones that really matter. I am not good at thinking on my feet. I need time and solitude to sift through the facts and then allow the solution to rise to the surface. Being a sales person myself, you would think I would be able to handle the situation with another sales person better, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
As I was sitting here thinking about how to write about projection, my mind wandered to the dreaded car-buying project. I began to pay attention to my thoughts and saw a lot of projection going on. I was feeling judgmental and resentful of car salesmen. I was thinking of defense strategies.
I see that I feel I lack the skills to do this job well, and this makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I don’t like feeling this way so I projected onto some unknown sales person. I made the sales person the problem and then started planning my defenses against him. I noticed that I was beginning to feel angry and resentful of someone I have yet to meet. I start by thinking I have a problem, and end up making some man my enemy. Right from the comfort of my home. Jeez.
Looking at this I see that my first error was in losing my sense of purpose. Is it my purpose to get a good deal on a car? Or is it my purpose to awaken? How can I use this experience to help me and everyone else awaken? Certainly it is not going to help my cause to separate myself from my brother through projection. Awakening doesn’t occur through making separate, and placing blame.
Not only did my exercise in projection make me feel separate from this person I have not even met, it made him seem like an enemy and me feel like a helpless victim. Even more important, these projections reinforce the belief in separation and the belief that I need to defend myself in this way, that is, projection protects me. If I believe this, I am not going to be interested in letting this device go.
As I have become aware of how important it is that I let go of the whole idea of projection, I have become vigilant for projection thoughts in my mind. It seems that projection is pervasive in my thinking. This does not mean, however, that I cannot stop. It has become just as much a habit for me to stop when I notice that I am projecting. I stop and ask that the Holy Spirit heal my mind of this kind of thinking.
At first I did this because I knew I was hurting myself. Now I do it because I really want to experience unconditional and universal love. I want to remember what it feels like to know that I am one with everything and everyone. I want to remember my Father as I knew Him before I dabbled in the separation game.
These desires dwarf the belief I need to feel savvy on the car lot, and that I need to leave the winner. In fact, the very thought makes me laugh. I’m through making plans on my own. I remind myself this morning that it is all an illusion and why would I want to fix the illusion. I turn my attention back to the truth and the only thing that matters. I surrender the whole process to the Holy Spirit and invite Him to use this body as His channel in this situation as in any other.