VI. The Rewards of God, P 4
4 The ego and the spirit do not know each other. The separated mind cannot maintain the separation except by dissociating. Having done this, it denies all truly natural impulses, not because the ego is a separate thing, but because you want to believe that you are. The ego is a device for maintaining this belief, but it is still only your decision to use the device that enables it to endure.
I never thought that the ego and the spirit do not know each other but I see that this must be true. The ego is the device we use to convince ourselves that we are not spirit, so of course the two selves cannot meet. As I write this I wonder how I am supposed to get out of this if ego and spirit do not know each other. But then Jesus also said that I am not the ego, that the ego is just something I use, and I can choose not to use the ego device anymore. If I stop using the ego it will disappear.
I am going to think about how this works. First, I am spirit. Then, because I wanted to experience myself as if I were something else, I made a device that would allow this. It would be representative of that other thing, but the only way it could work is if I completely immersed myself in the other and forgot what I am. I would have to dissociate completely from my true self to have the experience of not being spirit. And so here I am.
The ego allows me to feel as if I am separate, and with separation comes all the drama I thought I wanted. I am having the experience I thought I wanted to have, and I will continue to have it as long as I want it. Because the ego is something I made, it is not something I must keep. I can choose to stop using it anytime I want to. As I let myself notice that the ego experience is not making me happy and as I begin to desire something else, the memory of that something is coming back to me.
I never planned to stay in this experience forever and so there is a failsafe built into it. There is the Memory of God, the Holy Spirit, Who will guide me out of the ego when I am ready. He will help me undo the ego when I am through with it. My experience has been that I want to wake up and then I want to stay in the story, then I want to wake up, then I go back to the story. But each time I undo a bit of the ego my memory of spirit gets stronger in my mind. As this happens the belief in ego gets weaker since ego depends on dissociation to exist.
The ego is not a bad thing that I did. It was not a sin and I am not guilty for it. Those feelings are just part of the separation thought. When I choose against the ego, the feelings of guilt and fear will disappear with it. I am having this experience of my own will. I am not being punished even though it sometimes feels like I am. Because this experience is my own choice, I must choose differently if I want to stop having it. The truth will not be forced on me. As I make that choice to remember the truth, I am learning to value the joy and the peace that occurs naturally when I turn from ego to God.