I. Atonement Without Sacrifice, P 6
6 Innocence is incapable of sacrificing anything, because the innocent mind has everything and strives only to protect its wholeness. It cannot project. It can only honor other minds, because honor is the natural greeting of the truly loved to others who are like them. The lamb “taketh away the sins of the world” in the sense that the state of innocence, or grace, is one in which the meaning of the Atonement is perfectly apparent. The Atonement is entirely unambiguous. It is perfectly clear because it exists in light. Only the attempts to shroud it in darkness have made it inaccessible to those who do not choose to see.
This morning as I began this meditative experience, Jesus showed me how pervasive guilt is in my mind. I felt really tired last night and I overslept this morning. When I woke up I was concerned about getting this meditation done and posting it, and still getting to work at a reasonable time. I remembered that time is no more real than anything else and that Jesus knows how to manipulate time, so I gave it to him.
I still felt kind of tired and so I was moving slowly, and I was easily distracted. I took time to read about the Supreme Court considerations of gay marriage and checked out Facebook. Suddenly I realized that it was really late and I had a moment of panic. I read the paragraph for today which talks about guilt.
I wanted to accept Jesus’ help with the time thing because I really was behind now, but I noticed that I hesitated. When I looked at the hesitation, I saw that I felt guilty for getting distracted and wasting time. My guilt said that I did not deserve help because I goofed off instead of getting right to work. And yet, I cannot be guilty, can I? So I asked for the Atonement and suddenly, my asking was very emotional.
I started crying as I asked that my heart be cleaned of the ugly stain of guilt. I know it is of my own making, that God has never called me guilty. It seems like such a little thing, but feeling guilty for spending too much time on Facebook is just a small expression of a huge fear. It is guilt itself leaving a little tiny footprint.
I am not actually asking that the footprint be wiped clean. I am asking for the Atonement for guilt itself. My willingness allowed me to see the footprints guilt left behind all day yesterday and I saw the many ways I projected that guilt and fear onto others. No wonder I was so exhausted when I went to bed, and no wonder I woke up tired. I had failed to acknowledge the guilt and fear, and so did not ask for healing.
When I accepted the Atonement this morning, the reason I cried was that I suddenly saw how I had, in my mind, darkened the beauty of my soul with guilt. I did it when I claimed guilt for myself and when I projected guilt onto others. It felt incredibly sad to me in that moment. It also feels like some of the tears are tears of relief because I am not without help.
I cried from gratitude as I realized that Jesus is with me, very literally, and answers me when I call. I can make myself feel guilty and look guilty, but I cannot change my reality. I am innocent. Through the Atonement, the Lamb took away my “sins” so that I could feel my innocence.