VI. Fear and Conflict, P 1
1 Being afraid seems to be involuntary; something beyond your own control. Yet I have said already that only constructive acts should be involuntary. My control can take over everything that does not matter, while my guidance can direct everything that does, if you so choose. Fear cannot be controlled by me, but it can be self-controlled. Fear prevents me from giving you my control. The presence of fear shows that you have raised body thoughts to the level of the mind. This removes them from my control, and makes you feel personally responsible for them. This is an obvious confusion of levels.
Journal
Well, Jesus is absolutely right that it does seem like fear is involuntary. I am afraid of heights, and when I am confronted by what I fear, it seems like I have no control over that fear. It feels like it is being up high that causes the fear and my only relief is to get back on flat ground. Jesus says that I am wrong about this. He says that I can control fear and he says that it is important that I do so.
When I try to control the situation, the effect of the projection, I am suffering from level confusion. The problem for me is not heights, and I won’t solve the problem by staying on flat ground. If I stay at this level, I have made myself responsible for correcting my problem. You would think this would be easy enough.
There is not a single mountain in Louisiana, and not even a real hill. But then I notice I can’t always stay here. Trying to control the situation becomes very complicated when someone invites me to attend a workshop and it is in a mountainous area, I have to save myself by not going. If someone asks me to give a workshop in such an area, I have to save myself by saying no.
What I have noticed is that the more I try to control the fear by controlling the situation, the more fearful I become. It seems like my fear of heights is exacerbated the more I do this, and I also become fearful of my failure to control the fear. It is like a snowball rolling downhill and just getting bigger and bigger as it goes. I have taken control of the fear through my desire to control on the level of form, and now am on my own.
My fear and my desire to control has prevented the Holy Spirit from helping me. Feeling like I am on my own is frightening all itself, because it emphasizes the real problem, which is I think I am separated from God. Now I am further frightened because I am peeking at some of that unconscious guilt about the separation. Do you see how the snowball picks up more and more fear as it builds momentum?