VIII. The Body as Means or End, P 8
8 You might well ask how the voice of something that does not exist can be so insistent. Have you thought about the distorting power of something you want, even if it is not real? There are many instances of how what you want distorts perception. No one can doubt the ego’s skill in building up false cases. Nor can anyone doubt your willingness to listen until you choose not to accept anything except truth. When you lay the ego aside, it will be gone. The Holy Spirit’s Voice is as loud as your willingness to listen. It cannot be louder without violating your freedom of choice, which the Holy Spirit seeks to restore, never to undermine.
I bet lots of people have had that question. If the ego is not real, why do I hear it so persistently? Why is it so loud? Why does it never seem to go away? The answer is that if I hear the ego it is because I want to hear the ego. When I no longer want the ego, it will be gone. It is so simple. I am God’s Son and what I desire exists for me, even if it is something that is not real.
When I first accepted this must be true, I felt depressed instead of happy. The reason I felt that way is that I felt like I was fighting myself and losing. I couldn’t seem to want to put the ego aside. I would think I wanted to be free, but then I would go on thinking ego thoughts and believing them. It was very discouraging, but I believe what the Course says and so I kept at it.
The reason this is possible and the reason it is simple is that we have the Voice for God in our mind. It is not as loud or insistent as the ego because it is always respectful of our freedom of choice. But it is very persistent, and continues to gently remind us of our true self. I have slowly learned to tune out the ego and listen, more often, to the Holy Spirit.
What started out as a hope then became something more than hope, is now a certainty in my mind. I am God’s Son and I will accept this identity fully, and I am doing it now. Every time I notice the desire to be angry, to blame, to experience guilt or think I am in pain, and I realize this is not true nor is it what I want, I am choosing to lay the ego aside. I ask for the Atonement and I ask Holy Spirit to decide for me, and the ego fades away to reveal something of my Self. As I do this, I begin to remember that God is my desire.