VII. The Body as a Means of Communication, P 8
8 There is nothing so frustrating to a learner as a curriculum he cannot learn. His sense of adequacy suffers, and he must become depressed. Being faced with an impossible learning situation is the most depressing thing in the world. In fact, it is ultimately why the world itself is depressing. The Holy Spirit’s curriculum is never depressing, because it is a curriculum of joy. Whenever the reaction to learning is depression, it is because the true goal of the curriculum has been lost sight of.
Why is the curriculum of the world depressing? It teaches me that the way to be happy is to win and this keeps me in constant competition with everyone. I cannot win every time so I can only be happy sometimes. Even when I win, what is my prize? A short adrenaline rush, bragging rights for a bit. That is the most I can hope for. Is this a prize worth sacrificing perfect peace, eternal happiness, unbroken communication with God, Heaven?
In winning, I lose. I lose everything worth having. I am whole, complete; in God and with my brothers I am an eternal Divine being, but to win over a brother I must be separate from all that. I must be an individual separate small and vulnerable self who sometimes wins and sometimes loses. How is that a goal that I would want? And when I achieve it, what have I achieved? And the achievement is always momentary, followed by fear of loss. This is why the curriculum of the world is depressing.
I cannot learn the world’s curriculum because it is senseless. It promises me happiness but there is no happiness in the world. It promises riches only to teach me fear of loss. It promises love, only to teach me to defend against the thing I want. At its best it gives me a goal and means to achieve the goal and once achieved I realize it is not worth the effort. I am no happier, and only more discouraged.
The Holy Spirit’s goal has always brought me happiness and it is true happiness. He shows me the beliefs in my mind that are hurting me and as I let go of them I discover what they hid from me, my true self. I have, step by step, won for myself peace and joy, and in so doing discovered there is no one to compete with. My joy and peace grow as I give what I received. My win is everyone’s win.
There can be no loss because I am winning what was always mine and what could never be lost. It comes at no cost to me because I give up nothing of value to have it. Because the win is inevitable and the prize was always mine anyway, there is no fear of loss. And for the same reason, the joy of the win is eternal.
So if I feel depressed or even simply unhappy or less than joyful, I know I have lost sight of my goal. I have a purpose and that purpose was not chosen by the ego part of my mind. My purpose was given me by God. My goal is to awaken from the dream of separation. Knowing my goal and having a clear vision of how to achieve it, I walk steadily toward the Kingdom.
When I become distracted by some lesser goal that will not fulfill my purpose, I temporarily lose my way. I now this has happened because I am not at peace and happiness is like a light that flickers on and off to finally be extinguished and leave me in darkness. But even from this darkened frame of mind, I can rediscover my purpose because the Holy Spirit holds it for me in constant and patient readiness knowing I must return my attention to the only thing that promises me unending joy and peace.
This was once a hope in my mind, but through choosing God over and over, and being answered every time; through witnessing that answer and experiencing the love that it brings into my awareness, hope has become certainty.