VII. The Totality of the Kingdom, P 11
11 Perceive any part of the ego’s thought system as wholly insane, wholly delusional and wholly undesirable, and you have correctly evaluated all of it. This correction enables you to perceive any part of creation as wholly real, wholly perfect and wholly desirable. Wanting this only you will have this only, and giving this only you will be only this. The gifts you offer to the ego are always experienced as sacrifices, but the gifts you offer to the Kingdom are gifts to you. They will always be treasured by God because they belong to His beloved Sons, who belong to Him. All power and glory are yours because the Kingdom is His.
I accept that the ego thought system is wholly insane, delusional and undesirable. And I don’t. I (my ego self) keeps slipping back into insanity and this can only happen if I see some value in it. No matter how many times I do this, I am going to choose again until I want only the Kingdom. Actually, I have come a long way and hardly ever slip all the way back into it. I have moments when I think someone is guilty and then I see what is happening and remind myself of the only truth there is: we are innocent.
This remembering of innocence is the gift I give to God, and what I give to the Kingdom I give to myself. Yesterday toward the end of the day, I found myself on that slippery slope again. I don’t even know what it was that attracted me to the ego. Here is what it feels like to me. I see a thought that attracts my attention and I decide to follow it. I get lost in the thought and all the thoughts that are triggered by that one.
It is like being in a dense jungle or a thick fog. I know I’m lost but I can’t remember how to get out of it. Which means I can’t remember the truth, or the words that will lead me to the truth. Then doubt and uncertainty confuse me further. Paying attention to the ego thought and believing the thought are my gifts to ego, and in return, ego gives me grief. It gives me doubt and fear and guilt.
I’ve been doing this work too long to stay in ego long, and when I come up for air, I remember the truth, and like happened today, I can’t even remember what was so important to me yesterday.
The ego wants me to disbelieve all this metaphysical stuff and wants me to disbelieve that Jesus gave us these words and that Holy Spirit is in our mind just waiting for our permission to wake us up. It takes every opportunity to reinforce the separation thought, and to discourage true thoughts. It is up to me to pay attention and make a better choice when needed.
So, I can believe what Jesus is telling me in A Course in Miracles, be vigilant for my ego thoughts and willing to let them be corrected and in return I get peace and joy. Or I can listen to ego and believe that I am alone and guilty and suffer life after life. Hmm. I wonder which choice I should make.
I think that the main way ego holds my attention for more than brief moments at a time is through its gift of guilt. I spend too much time in judgment and then I feel guilty and start to be afraid I will never wake up. So the way to short circuit this ego plan is to remind myself, immediately, that I cannot be guilty. I see what the ego does, but I am not the ego. I was created innocent, I am innocent, I will always be innocent. Remembering this is my gift to God and He treasures my gifts because He treasures me.