VII. The Totality of the Kingdom, P 8
8 Attack could never promote attack unless you perceived it as a means of depriving you of something you want. Yet you cannot lose anything unless you do not value it, and therefore do not want it. This makes you feel deprived of it, and by projecting your own rejection you then believe that others are taking it from you. You must be fearful if you believe that your brother is attacking you to tear the Kingdom of Heaven from you. This is the ultimate basis for all the ego’s projection.
I want to follow this logic with something that is happening right now. Seeing something in a concrete way helps me to understand the general principle, which of course, is the only value the world has for me. It shows me what my beliefs look like so I can decide if I want to believe them anymore. In time this is the way the mind works, even though our minds are actually abstract as is God.
Looking at the situation with the co-worker I spoke of last week, he seemed to be attacking me when he failed to do the work correctly and resisted any direction from me. The attack took the form of threatening my income and this brought up fear in me. I would not have phrased it like this, but I guess that I have been seeing my income as my salvation.
If Heaven is my goal and I think that my income is my salvation then I am confused about what I need to be safe, and am confusing financial stability with Heaven. So when this man threatened my finances he seemed to be taking Heaven from me. This would certainly explain why I felt justified in defending myself through attacking him in return.
Once I understood the reasoning behind the belief I was being attacked and the reason I wanted to defend myself, I could understand his motivations, too. I think he must see being right as his salvation, and so of course he would resent my “help” when offered. It must look to him like I am snatching away what matters deeply to him, that I am robbing him of his happiness by telling him he is wrong and needs my help.
I am very grateful that I had A Course in Miracles to help me recognize my error and the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. Friday when I got to work I was very calm about the whole thing. I had allowed my mind to be healed of the idea that he was my enemy so when my supervisor expressed her frustration about the situation I was able to step back from it.
I noticed the ego wanting to join her anger, but I, by this time I knew he was not my enemy. Today I further realize from reading this paragraph that no matter what this man does he cannot deprive me of anything unless I decide I don’t want it. This means I cannot lose my money, or my job, because of anything except my own decision. And nothing can tear God from me, certainly not my brother.
Since I was calm and settled about the whole thing by the time I got to work, I didn’t say anything to him about it, but he came to me and explained his error and took full responsibility for it. He also told me he researched the information to understand where he went wrong. I loved that I didn’t have even the slightest desire to be sure he knew I told him so. ~smile~