V. Healing and the Changelessness of Mind, P 9
9 As you can hear two voices, so you can see in two ways. One way shows you an image, or an idol that you may worship out of fear, but will never love. The other shows you only truth, which you will love because you will understand it. Understanding is appreciation, because what you understand you can identify with, and by making it part of you, you have accepted it with love. That is how God Himself created you; in understanding, in appreciation and in love. The ego is totally unable to understand this, because it does not understand what it makes, does not appreciate it and does not love it. It incorporates to take away. It literally believes that every time it deprives someone of something, it has increased. I have spoken often of the increase of the Kingdom by your creations, which can only be created as you were. The whole glory and perfect joy that is the Kingdom lies in you to give. Do you not want to give it?
I am crying this morning as I read these sweet, sweet words from Jesus. God created me in understanding, in appreciation and in love. Joy and gratitude well up in me so forcefully that it must escape through my tears, and even more so as he reminds me about my creations. I feel a longing to return to full remembrance, to embrace my brothers, my creations and my Creator.
Two voices in my mind, two ways to be, and it is up to me to choose the voice I will follow. I choose in every moment to be in the Kingdom or to be in hell. I don’t get to choose whether or not to choose. There is no sitting this one out. Not choosing is sticking my head in the sand and pretending I am not choosing hell.
Choosing the ego is choosing hell. I cannot love this because it is meaningless. It is not me and so I have no understanding of it and without understanding, I have no appreciation. The ego self can only be experienced in fear and guilt and that is as good as it gets. I will never love it, and never feel love from it.
Or I can choose Love. I can choose the self that God made out of His Love. I can love this self because I understand and appreciate it. I know it even though I have concealed it from my mind, hidden it from myself, I know it and long for it because it is me. I remember it as I give it.
The ego only takes and believes it increases in the taking, but my Heart knows differently. It knows it can only increase through giving, and so I give love in whatever form seems helpful. I watch for the ego desire to take and lay it gently aside, something no longer needed or wanted because now I understand that it doesn’t increase and doesn’t bring me in the direction my heart longs to go.
I was thinking about how this works in my life. In the past I have given generously of my time and money and when I have not felt that I received equally in return, it seemed to me that I was being taken advantage of. In other words, I did not give for the joy of giving, but because I expected gratitude or admiration.
I was giving to get, and I would always be disappointed to some degree. I thought the recipients of my largess were disappointing me. But really, the disappointment was a result of seeking love through guilt. I was asking the ego to provide me with love, appreciation and gratitude and the ego doesn’t understand the request because it was not created in love, appreciation and gratitude. It can only give me bitter disappointment, fear and guilt because that is all it has to give.
Now if I feel that sense of disappointment or resentment, I recognize what happened. I was not giving for the joy of giving. My giving was really a form of taking. I slipped back into the ego belief that what I take from another actually increases me. Fortunately, I now realize that this doesn’t work and I can change my mind. I can choose to remember that I only increase in true giving, and that my brother’s increase is my increase.