V. B. To Have Peace, Teach Peace to Learn It, P 8
8 This is still a preliminary step, since having and being are still not equated. It is, however, more advanced than the first step, which is really only the beginning of the thought reversal. The second step is a positive affirmation of what you want. This, then, is a step in the direction out of conflict, since it means that alternatives have been considered, and one has been chosen as more desirable. Nevertheless, the term “more desirable” still implies that the desirable has degrees. Therefore, although this step is essential for the ultimate decision, it is clearly not the final one. Lack of order of difficulty in miracles has not yet been accepted, because nothing is difficult that is wholly desired. To desire wholly is to create, and creating cannot be difficult if God Himself created you as a creator.
I have chosen peace as preferable to chaos and I really do want peace. I want it more than I ever have before, because now that I have had some sustained peace in my life I don’t want to lose it. This is good. It is through contrast that we learn what we really want, and deciding on a thing is how we get it. So now that I know I want peace, I can have it. I have it not because of anything I do; I have it because I truly desire it.
And yet, I don’t always choose peace. I still sometimes choose conflict. This is how I know that I am still confused. I still need the Holy Spirit to heal my mind because I do not wholly desire peace. It is important to remember that if I did wholly desire peace I would have it. I am a powerful creator and so it is not difficult to choose peace and have peace.
It feels difficult sometimes because I still want other things as well as peace. What do I want more than I want peace? What do I want so much that I am willing to tolerate a conflicted mind? I notice that I still want to be right. I still want a personal will, a personal self. I still want to defend against God. I can hardly believe this is true, but there it is in my mind.
At the same time, I know I want peace and so when I see behaviors and thoughts in my mind that are driven by these beliefs, I ask for the Atonement and I accept it as I am able. This is my only part. I see that I am not at peace and I choose peace by asking that my mind be healed. It is simple and when it does not seem to work, I know that I am still resisting, still choosing something else. No problem. I simply choose again.