V. The Lessons of the Holy Spirit, P 2
2 How can you wake children in a more kindly way than by a gentle Voice that will not frighten them, but will merely remind them that the night is over and the light has come? You do not inform them that the nightmares that frightened them so badly are not real, because children believe in magic. You merely reassure them that they are safe now. Then you train them to recognize the difference between sleeping and waking, so they will understand they need not be afraid of dreams. And so when bad dreams come, they will themselves call on the light to dispel them.
This one makes me smile to read it. My Father is making sure I know that I am only dreaming of bad stuff, and that I am safe right now even while I dream. He is making sure it is done gently. I am learning to recognize the difference between sleeping and waking. I am learning to call on the light to dispel my dreams.
I am taking Lisa Natoli’s 40 day course and I posted part of my writing from my journal because it applied to day 5. I also wrote part of it for my teaching on Awakening Together. So it came from what I am learning through Lisa’s course, Chapter 14, and Chapter 6. More and more I am seeing how everything I am learning from the many sources provided to me is all the same. Jesus has found many ways to help me see that I am dreaming, that I am safe, and that I can call on the light to wake up.
This is what happened. I have felt very drawn to the idea of awakening. This is why we are here and this is what we are to do, so I have to wonder why it is that I resist the idea even as I feel its draw? I was talking to Jesus about it, and asking him what to do about this. I told him I just don’t know how to awaken from the dream of separation. I know how to work toward it, removing blocks, changing my mind, but how do I take that step of letting go of the story of separation altogether.
This is the message he gave me. “Here is a tip Sister. Don’t believe in your story of not being able to wake up. You are waking up. Nothing can change that. If you have a story of not waking up and don’t like that story, you can make up a different one.”
Ha! I didn’t know if he meant that or if he was just teasing me. But then I realized that he meant me to do it. I saw what I had not embraced before. My life, my thoughts and the beliefs that generate them are not the deadly serious stuff I had always assumed they were. They are just stories and I wrote them. Ha! Can I just write new ones? Why not?
I’m trying that. I’m not consistent yet, but I’m working at forming a new habit. When I have the thought that maybe I’m nuts for thinking I’m waking up and that story begins to spin out in my mind, I start writing the story over from the perspective of someone who is awakening. I’m trying this now to see how it works.
I’m doing this for other stories, too. Yesterday after I made my commitment to stand with God and surrender self, I experienced an ego backlash. It was subtle at first and I didn’t realize what was happening until it was out of control. Now, I seldom watch much TV, maybe a show or two at the end of the day. Yesterday, right in the middle of the day I watched a show. I thought it was odd even while I did it and then I watched another. I wound up doing this until bedtime. This never happens. I just don’t do that.
There was a little voice in my head that was trying to clue me in on what was happening, and there was another voice that was trying to encourage me to feel guilty for wasting time. I felt enervated, very lethargic. It was like my mind was mired in molasses as I tried to ignore both voices. Now I know it doesn’t matter if I watched TV, or did the work I had planned to do, but what did matter was the underlying reason I did it and the story I was telling myself about being guilty for doing so.
This is such an old story for me, the one of telling myself that I am guilty. Sometimes it is difficult to wrench my attention away from my guilt stories. This happened last night. It started as an ego backlash from my strong commitment to be lived, to trust and to surrender. I couldn’t write another version of the story because I was stuck in the belief I really was guilty.
Then I flashed on our second day of lessons. I remembered what Lisa said. Undoing is nothing more than the willingness to stand still and let God be God. So that’s what I did. I said, “Here I am God.” And I stood there with the expectation that he would do his thing, and He did. “Thank you, God.” At that point it was easy to weave a new story.
I can always do this. I can ask myself, what would this story look like if I knew guilt is not real? And I start thinking about it from that perspective. Two things are happening. One, it pulls me out of the guilt and reminds me of the truth, and two, it helps me to realize that I have a choice about the stories I tell myself, Also, it helps me see they are just stories, not the truth and not to be taken seriously.
When I woke up I felt invigorated and ready to get busy, but I also felt concerned that I had wasted so much time yesterday that I could never get everything done, and I didn’t even know where to start. This is just another way to say I am guilty and am being punished for my sin of wasting time.
As I began to sink into guilt again, I remembered that if I don’t like my story I could tell another one. Telling the story from a more healed mind, I remembered that Jesus said that he would arrange time for me if I gave it to him. This is what I did. And I asked the Holy Spirit what He would have me do, no planning on my own. I was certain that I would have a productive day and what needed to be done would be done. Isn’t that a better story? It is a story from an awakening mind.
So now I have two very helpful tools. If I get stuck in the guilt and can’t see my way out I know what to do. I can stand in God and allow Him to heal me. And when I am telling myself a sad or angry story, any story that is not true, I can write a new story. I can tell this story as if I know who I am and I am joyful in that remembrance. I’m going to make a practice of telling new stories, truer stories, so that it becomes second nature to do this.