II. The Alternative to Projection, P 3
3 Yet projection will always hurt you. It reinforces your belief in your own split mind, and its only purpose is to keep the separation going. It is solely a device of the ego to make you feel different from your brothers and separated from them. The ego justifies this on the grounds that it makes you seem “better” than they are, thus obscuring your equality with them still further. Projection and attack are inevitably related, because projection is always a means of justifying attack. Anger without projection is impossible. The ego uses projection only to destroy your perception of both yourself and your brothers. The process begins by excluding something that exists in you but which you do not want, and leads directly to excluding you from your brothers.
This is so simple that I am astounded that it took me so long to work it out. For years I have been first, learning what projection is, then learning to notice it when I projected. After that I had to understand that I don’t need projection and finally that I don’t want projection. The only reason I ever believed that I needed and wanted projection is that I thought it protected me.
At his workplace someone I know was very angry with another person. I saw so clearly what was happening. This person was angry because he was fearful. He was afraid of losing what he values in the world, and because he puts such a heavy emphasis on these things, he was fearful indeed. He cannot face his fear, and is not ready to do anything about fear itself, so he projects.
He sees others at fault and decides they are the reason he is endangered and this allows him to be angry instead of fearful, which is more comfortable for him. Now, in his mind, there is nothing for him to do. He sees himself as blameless. Sadly, though, he is also now helpless. It is all someone else’s fault and so there is little he can do to fix the problem.
Additionally, he has now made enemies out of his brothers. He makes a habit of this (as do most people) and so everyone becomes his enemy, if not now, then potentially. He has surrounded himself with enemies and so where can he feel safe? Who can he trust? His wife might stray. His children might betray his expectations for them. His employees might be disloyal and certainly, eventually will disappoint. There is no refuge in his life.
Understanding the cost of projection, I cannot imagine returning to projection as my defense against life. Now when I project I see it quickly and I see it for what it is, and I just as quickly withdraw my projections. I am not interested in finding someone to blame, but want only to know that my mind is healed and whole right now and everything else is just an illusion of my own making. This is the solution, the protection that I had been seeking and not finding through projection.
Is it hard to let go of my projection? It used to be very hard sometimes because I was so afraid to let go of the idea that I needed a scapegoat. I thought that someone else to blame would leave me blameless, but I was wrong about that. In fact, I am blameless regardless of what I do, and I don’t need someplace to put blame because there is no blame to displace.
It was hard at first because I was so afraid of my own culpability, so guilty in my mind that I was terrified to stand naked without my projections. I was sure that I would be punished and suffer for my guilt. I was afraid that God would see the darkness on my soul and would never forgive me, so I tried to throw it on someone else and make him look guilty instead.
This was my hidden agenda, buried deeply within my mind so that I could pretend I was but an innocent victim of the world. Looking at it now I can only laugh. That God would create an innocent victim is so ridiculous I had to be insane to have believed it, and really, I didn’t believe it. I refused to look at it, but in my heart I knew this couldn’t be true and my subterfuge simply increased my guilt and fear. What a relief it is to have finally let this go!