My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.
This lesson seems like a natural next step. My thoughts, being based on the past, are meaningless. Now I am told my thoughts are showing me a meaningless world. But there is more to look at here. In Lesson 8 we are told, “No one really sees anything. He sees only his thoughts projected outward.” Now the Course tells me that the world is a reflection of my thoughts. This means I can change the world (or my view of the world), but not in the world because that is not where I find the cause. The world comes from my thoughts, so all change is going to have to take place in my mind where I find the cause. This is the key to forgiveness.
I feel to talk about changing the world. It has been my experience, and I am sure the experience of others, that when I change my mind, my world changes. It has also been my experience that when I change my mind, the world does not change. But what always changes is how I feel about the world. My perception changes. It comes closer to true perception which is not truth, but near to it. It is not my desire to change the world either in form or in my mind, as the world is an illusion, though I accept and enjoy the changes that do occur. It is always my intention to awaken to the truth which is the only true change.
The import of this lesson begins to dawn on my mind, and my efforts become a very holy endeavor. I approach this day with a sense of awe. I give it my full willingness, as I allow this idea to take root in my mind.
My message from the Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit: Yes indeed, Myron, we are pulling weeds and planting seeds. Notice how your willingness has made this job far easier this time than it was before. The work you have been doing has prepared the soil, making it loose so that pulling out the weeds (the meaningless thoughts) is easier now. The soil is now richer and the seeds we plant will take root and grow more quickly. Watch how your resistance is beginning to fall away.
Me: Thank you, Holy Spirit. I am beginning to feel a sense of joy and excitement at doing these lessons as I anticipate success.
Jesus just blew me away in Lesson 8 as he explained why I don’t actually have thoughts, and why I don’t actually see anything. It is easier now to accept that I see nothing as it is now. What makes this lesson really helpful to me is that Jesus tells me that while I may have an intellectual understanding of these lessons, they don’t really mean anything to me right now. He tells me that these exercises are concerned with practice, not with understanding.
The ego mind wants to know more, to understand, but I am going to just practice as indicated. I am going to remind myself all day long that I don’t see anything as it is now. It is a slippery concept and hard for me to hold onto.
I picture my daughter and I realize I never see her as she is now. When I look at Susan I see her little head on my shoulder as I held it steady and a million thoughts that brought me to that moment. I see a tiny little girl walking to the fence with her hand in mine so we could look at the goat. I see her in a little mouse outfit dancing on the stage. Standing proudly in her new outfit waiting for the bus. Performing in her first play. Throwing away a second place ribbon because coming in second is not winning. I see a college graduate; a lesbian; a gifted writer; a woman with her heart broken by her partner.
All of these things stand before me and none of them stand-alone because they go through the filter of my ego mind which is all created through past thoughts. Because I see only the past in her, and don’t know how to stop, I don’t see her. In every moment she creates herself anew and I can’t know that person because I hold tightly to my thoughts about her. I do not see this face as it is now.
My message from Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit: You have done well, dear one, as you have willingly stepped back and allowed Me to guide you. Continue to be patient and not strive for what you cannot fully comprehend as yet. That will avail you only confusion. The end is certain and so you can afford to be patient. And be of good cheer as I am leading you into the experience of your true power.
Me: Thank you. I am doing my best to relinquish my sense of control, knowing that it is a false sense anyway. I give You my mind and invite You to be my Guide.
I read that lesson and I am thrilled. I see nothing as it is now. Thank You, God! I am open to another way to see in every circumstance. Please heal my blindness when I think I know, when I think my eyes are a reliable instrument of truth. I did not always feel this way about Lesson 9, but it was in applying it without understanding that I came to this place of some understanding and to the joy of openness and acceptance.