VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 8
8 Yet they only seem to be together. For relationships, to the ego, mean only that bodies are together. It is always this that the ego demands, and it does not object where the mind goes or what it thinks, for this seems unimportant. As long as the body is there to receive its sacrifice, it is content. To the ego the mind is private, and only the body can be shared. Ideas are basically of no concern, except as they bring the body of another closer or farther. And it is in these terms that it evaluates ideas as good or bad. What makes another guilty and holds him through guilt is “good.” What releases him from guilt is “bad,” because he would no longer believe that bodies communicate, and so he would be “gone.”
I remember believing that only bodies communicate. Even after studying the Course for a long time, I believed that, though, I didn’t realize it at the time. When one of my sons came home for a visit I would be happy because his body was here and when he left, I would be sad. The same thing happened with my daughters, but the feeling wasn’t as intense because their bodies lived nearer my body and I could see them anytime I wanted to.
It’s different now. I know that they live in my mind and so I never lose them when their bodies are not here. I do miss them if it has been a long time since I have seen them, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. I long to look at their sweet faces and to hug them close, but it isn’t that sickening sense of loss I used to feel and the feeling passes quickly. I can envision the day when this belief is completely healed.
I can also remember a time when I still tried to hold a person through guilt. I felt the loss of the body of a loved one so acutely that I was willing to use guilt or fear or anything else to keep him tied to me. Those were dark days and I am so grateful for what I have learned through the practice of the Course. It seems those days are behind me.
Still, I put my belief that only minds truly communicate to the test. I think what it would be like for me if I knew for a fact that my children loved me deeply, but never again saw me or spoke to me. Would the communication afforded by that love be enough, or would I feel bereft, and I know I would so there is still more healing to be done.