There is no will but God’s.
The idea for today can be regarded as the central thought toward which all our exercises are directed. God’s is the only Will. When you have recognized this, you have recognized that your will is His. The belief that conflict is possible has gone. Peace has replaced the strange idea that you are torn by conflicting goals. As an expression of the Will of God, you have no goal but His.
There is great peace in today’s idea, and the exercises for today are directed towards finding it. The idea itself is wholly true. Therefore it cannot give rise to illusions. Without illusions conflict is impossible. Let us try to recognize this today, and experience the peace this recognition brings.
Begin the longer practice periods by repeating these thoughts several times, slowly and with firm determination to understand what they mean, and to hold them in mind:
There is no will but God’s. I cannot be in conflict.
Then spend several minutes in adding some related thoughts, such as:
I am at peace.
Nothing can disturb me. My will is God’s.
My will and God’s are one.
God wills peace for His Son.
During this introductory phase, be sure to deal quickly with any conflict thoughts that may cross your mind. Tell yourself immediately:
There is no will but God’s. These conflict
thoughts are meaningless.
If there is one conflict area that seems particularly difficult to resolve, single it out for special consideration. Think about it briefly but very specifically, identify the particular person or persons and the situation or situations involved, and tell yourself:
There is no will but God’s. I share it with Him.
My conflicts about _____ cannot be real.
After you have cleared your mind in this way, close your eyes and try to experience the peace to which your reality entitles you. Sink into it and feel it closing around you. There may be some temptation to mistake these attempts for withdrawal, but the difference is easily detected. If you are succeeding, you will feel a deep sense of joy and an increased alertness, rather than a feeling of drowsiness and enervation.
Joy characterizes peace. By this experience will you recognize that you have reached it. If you feel yourself slipping off into withdrawal, quickly repeat the idea for today and try again. Do this as often as necessary. There is definite gain in refusing to allow retreat into withdrawal, even if you do not experience the peace you seek.
In the shorter periods, which should be undertaken at regular and predetermined intervals today, say to yourself:
There is no will but God’s. I seek His peace today.
Then try to find what you are seeking. A minute or two every half an hour, with eyes closed if possible, would be well spent on this today.
I read my past entries before I even read the lesson, and I was surprised that I spent several years slowly letting go of the fear that there is only God’s Will. I felt fear of losing self will, like God was trying to overcome me and make me disappear. I can’t remember what that feels like, to be afraid of losing myself in God. I don’t know what going Home will be like, but I long for it.
Then I read the lesson and did the practice. I started by going through the regular litany of those things in my life that cause conflict in my mind. Now that there are not so many, I can easily bring the remaining up to look at. As I experienced the conflict of each disturbing thought, I reminded myself that there is only God’s Will and since there is only the one Will, I must share it with Him. There is no conflict in His Mind, so this idea must not be real.
At one point, where my emotions ran high, I had trouble not believing in the conflict. Last night just as I was going to sleep, the ego mind brought me a disturbing memory. One time my son called me from school. He was attending a boarding school and was in another town. He was so upset that he was crying and it took awhile to get to the problem. That little span of time as I waited for him to get enough control over his emotions to tell me what had upset him so much, seemed to last a lifetime as I thought of possible disasters.
His first word, “Momma” was filled with so much emotion. It said to me, “Momma, something is wrong with me. Momma, please fix it.” And he was so far away and I felt helpless and afraid. It haunted me long after the problem was behind him. Maybe it haunted me so much because there was nothing I could do to help him with that problem.
For a long time, the memory would come up again and again. I would imagine one of my children calling me with that same plaintive cry for help and I would feel the panic and helplessness of before. It is always a phone call and that makes me feel more helpless because they are far from my help.
This doesn’t happen much anymore, and even when it does, it doesn’t upset me like it used to. But last night, the ego really got my attention. I don’t know why I was vulnerable to that particular fear, but I felt it cut through me like a sharp knife. I said, “No!!” I refused the ego’s attempt to bring me into fear.
Still, the idea of something really bad happening to my children is the one fear that I have trouble dismissing. It is the one I hold separate from Holy Spirit. “Heal my mind, Holy Spirit, of all these conflict thoughts, except this one. I want to keep the fear that my children need me and I can’t help them.” Is that a crazy thing to do, or what?
I realized a couple of things as I did this lesson. Last night I was afraid of something that was not happening. It was a thought in my mind that was scaring me. I also realized that nothing is ever happening. It is always a thought in my mind, however real it might appear. My fear felt as real as it would if there was actually a panicked phone call, and yet there was no phone call. The fear is not real, it is just a thought projected onto a body made for the purpose of feeling fear.
Another thing I realized as I did this lesson is that all of my conflicts are one conflict. My fear for the safety of my children seems different than my anxiety about my health, for instance. But they are different in form only; the content is the same. And the fear and conflict are not in the Mind of God. Conflict is not God’s Will, and there is only God’s Will.
No matter how big a deal the ego makes of any of these forms of fear, they cannot any of them be real. Nothing that exists outside the Will of God truly exists. I don’t have a will outside God. I share His Will. This means that I can be free of conflict once and for all time. This means I can be free of fear and guilt. In fact, it must be easy to let it fall away since it is not real.
I can keep it only by clinging to it, holding it close to me, as I have done with the fear of my children suffering and there is nothing I can do. I am willing now to release that fear as well. If there is one thought of conflict in my mind, I am not free. The belief that just one fear is real, requires that I have a will separate from God. I want to know that there is no will but God’s Will and that I share it with Him.