I. The Perceived Purpose of Sickness, P 2
2 And what, in this insane conviction, does healing stand for? It symbolizes the defeat of God’s Son and the triumph of his Father over him. It represents the ultimate defiance in a direct form which the Son of God is forced to recognize. It stands for all that he would hide from himself to protect his “life.” If he is healed, he is responsible for his thoughts. And if he is responsible for his thoughts, he will be killed to prove to him how weak and pitiful he is. But if he chooses death himself, his weakness is his strength. Now has he given himself what God would give to him, and thus entirely usurped the throne of his Creator.
So we now understand the purpose sickness and why we choose it. We think that by getting sick we are proving we are stronger than God. This means that if we are healthy, we lose to God. So sickness is an act of defiance. We also use sickness to protect what we think of as our “life” as we would have it.
We use it to hide the fact that we are doing this to ourselves with our thoughts and beliefs. There is a hidden fear that if we acknowledge that we are responsible for our thoughts we will be killed to prove how weak and pitiful we are. What a sick and weird belief system we have about God and our place in the universe.
We think that in choosing death ourselves we are turning our weakness into strength by giving to ourselves what God would give to us. Now we see ourselves as having usurped the throne of God. This is our ultimate goal, to become our own God, and if we have to suffer and die to do so, it seems this is acceptable to us. In the ego mind, this is what God was going to do to us anyway, so we may as well beat him to the punch thus proving our domination.