VI. Defenselessness

1 God’s teachers have learned how to be simple. They have no dreams that need defense against the truth. They do not try to make themselves. Their joy comes from their understanding Who created them. And does what God created need defense? No one can become an advanced teacher of God until he fully understands that defenses are but foolish guardians of mad illusions. The more grotesque the dream, the fiercer and more powerful its defenses seem to be. Yet when the teacher of God finally agrees to look past them, he finds that nothing was there. Slowly at first he lets himself be undeceived. But he learns faster as his trust increases. It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down. It is safety. It is peace. It is joy. And it is God.



I was slow to lay down my defenses because I had a lot of fear. It seemed crazy to remain undefended when I was so afraid of so many things. It wasn’t until I started studying ACIM that I began to realize how often my defenses failed me. I also began to understand that my defenses made me feel even weaker and more afraid because the very act of defending just proved I really was in danger.

The only way out of this cycle of fear is to accept our true identity instead of our ego identity. This is what the study of A Course in Miracles has helped me to do. Every day I let more of the little self I made crumble away and so every day I move closer to accepting my Self as my true identity. I was watching my self eat yogurt this morning and thinking about how it feels as I swallow it and how it tastes on the tongue. I sat in the chair and just noticed the body and all its various sensations.

I thought about how it feels to defend this body against the cold it exhibited. I thought about the reason I gave the body the yogurt this morning and that was another defense. It got cold during the night and I thought how I need to turn the heater up to defend this body against a chill.

I wonder if we will have a freeze and if I need to defend my garden against that. I wonder if I want to get out in the rain today to run an errand or would it be better to avoid the streets where drivers will be navigating heavier than usual traffic because of the season. Another defense. But all of this felt different this morning.

It felt more distant from me like it was happening to me but that it didn’t really affect me. And then it felt like it did affect me, and then like it didn’t really. This is what it feels like to be in that borderland between being in the world and sometimes of it and sometimes not of it. What I am learning is that it feels better when I detach from the dream of Myron, and it is possible to do this even while I seem to exist as Myron. This is letting go of the little self.

Sometimes, I imagine I am this incredibly beautiful and magnificent Light Being, smiling at the scene in Its mind of a life as a human, interested but hardly concerned. This vision helps loosen my hold on the idea of defense. Because, as a Light Being I am also a Love Being, I want to end the tragic stories taking place in the world of separation I dreamed up. And surely I have experienced all there is to experience anyway.

Then I slide easily, too easily, into the story of Myron. As Myron/Light Being, I still get sucked into a story sometimes but not as often and I see this idea coming to an end. Soon, I hope. I love my Brother Beings and I love our Unity and I am ready to return my full mind to God. I have been learning to meditate because I notice that taking even a small break from little self and joining with God is helping me to move out of that self and thus out of defensiveness and into joy.

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