IV. Practicing the Holy Instant, P 7
7 How can you do this when you would prefer to have private thoughts and keep them? The only way you could do that would be to deny the perfect communication that makes the holy instant what it is. You believe you can harbor thoughts you would not share, and that salvation lies in keeping thoughts to yourself alone. For in private thoughts, known only to yourself, you think you find a way to keep what you would have alone, and share what you would share. And then you wonder why it is that you are not in full communication with those around you, and with God Who surrounds all of you together.
Jesus is helping us to understand that we must open our minds to the Holy Spirit so that our thoughts can be purified. We must hold nothing back, nothing we would keep private. What thought would I want to hold back, anyway? What thought would I want to keep safe from the Holy Spirit? At first, I cannot think of anything that I would not share with Him. I want a completely healed mind.
But when I think about it further, I realize that there are times when I don’t accept healing for my thoughts and so it must be that I am withholding them. I am keeping them private and refusing open communication. I can think of an example of this that happened a few years ago.
I was planning to move in with my daughter and help her fix up the mother-in-law house behind her house where I would eventually stay. I knew she needed financial help to keep her house and I decided I needed to do this for her. I would pay her rent while I lived there and this would be the help she needed. I had enough money to fix up the little house and when I moved in there, I would pay rent for that.
I also remember hearing the Holy Spirit in my mind speaking to me, but I cut that communication off in case He was cautioning me against this. I just couldn’t chance that the Holy Spirit would tell me not to help my daughter. I didn’t think of it that way at the time, but that is what happened. I made the decision quickly and then as quickly denied it.
It wasn’t until after the whole project became an uphill battle that I let myself remember that I chose to keep my thoughts about this decision to myself. I deliberately chose not to share them with the Holy Spirit, and thus not to ask for purification. I am sure that the reason is that my motives were unclear, and my need to be helpful could not stand up to scrutiny.
I don’t regret what happened and though it cost me a lot of money, money has never been that important to me. I enjoyed being so close to my daughter and my grandkids. All the problems with getting the little house in order were good lessons. And, I will never forget what it means to keep thoughts away from the Holy Spirit. Not that I never did it again, but I did learn an important lesson and it helped me to see what I was doing and to ask for help to stop.
Now I seldom do this and when I do, I catch it pretty quick. I recognize that I have turned to the ego to make my decisions and I turn that around, usually sooner rather than later. I don’t want any private thoughts, none that I would keep from the Holy Spirit. I want open and full communication at all times. This is the only way I can have a completely healed mind.