I leave my needs to the Holy Spirit, knowing He will provide. Sometimes, though, I forget this and become anxious as to what is needed and how to provide that need.
Right before I retired, I had some anxiety about how I was going to adjust to a much lower income. I wondered how I would arrange for insurance and how I would work out a budget with very little money. But by then, I had been turning to the Holy Spirit for guidance for a long time. So, when one morning I woke up with concern about something I needed to buy and how I could afford it, I asked for help with my ego thoughts.
That seems normal and natural to the ego, even essential, the responsible thing to do. But I have decided that I will allow the Holy Spirit to provide for all my needs. This is my go-to passage in the Course when I am worried about my needs being met.
T 13: VII. “12 Only the Holy Spirit knows what you need. For He will give you all things that do not block the way to light. And what else could you need? In time, He gives you all the things that you need have, and will renew them as long as you have need of them. He will take nothing from you as long as you have any need of it. And yet He knows that everything you need is temporary, and will but last until you step aside from all your needs and realize that all of them have been fulfilled. Therefore He has no investment in the things that He supplies, except to make certain that you will not use them on behalf of lingering in time. He knows that you are not at home there, and He wills no delay to wait upon your joyous homecoming.
13 Leave, then, your needs to Him. He will supply them with no emphasis at all upon them. What comes to you of Him comes safely, for He will ensure it never can become a dark spot, hidden in your mind and kept to hurt you. Under His guidance you will travel light and journey lightly, for His sight is ever on the journey’s end, which is His goal. God’s Son is not a traveller through outer worlds. However holy his perception may become, no world outside himself holds his inheritance. Within himself he has no needs, for light needs nothing but to shine in peace, and from itself to let the rays extend in quiet to infinity.”
This always reminds me that I don’t have to concern myself with the how of it. Why would I want to make plans on my own and decision on my own when I can simply turn over my needs to the Holy Spirit and let Him take care of everything. All I need to do is get out of His way and let Him do this for me. But when I lay in bed trying to figure out how to buy something I need but seemingly cannot afford, I am getting in His way. He cannot do for me what I am intent on doing for myself. He cannot lead if I walk in front of Him.
It is not that I don’t believe this, it is that I have made a habit of worrying and planning and making decisions with the ego as my guide, and now I have to practice doing this differently. I find the most effective way to change my mind is to use the Rules for Decision, Chapter 30. I realize that I have made a decision with ego because I am not at peace. I do an immediate restorative as I state emphatically that I have no question. I forgot what to decide. Now I have a clean slate and I can remember that I have given my needs to the Holy Spirit and I will follow His lead, not ego’s lead.
If I find my mind wandering back to ego-land and worrying again about the future, I can go further with the rules, as I realize that I do not like what I feel now, and so I hope I have been wrong. I want another way to look at this. And with a more open mind, I decided that perhaps there is another way to look at this and what could I lose by asking. Then I let Holy Spirit correct my thinking and bring me back to peace.
This is what I did and having made the decision to follow and not lead, I relaxed. I know that if I make no decisions on my own I will be at peace, and I will be inspired as to what to do about my problems as they arise. Sometimes the problems work themselves out without my intervention at all. But regardless of how it is to unfold, I know that I am safe and cared for and all my needs will be met.