II. Honesty, P 1
1 All other traits of God’s teachers rest on trust. Once that has been achieved, the others cannot fail to follow. Only the trusting can afford honesty, for only they can see its value. Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything.
When I was young, I was not honest by any definition of honesty, but as my mind began to heal, that changed. By the time I got to the Manual for Teachers, I thought I was honest. As I read this paragraph, I realized what it meant to be truly honest and I felt like it was a hopeless task. I wondered if I could be a teacher of God if I had most of the characteristics.
What I failed to notice at that time was the first sentence. All other traits of God’s teachers rest on trust. Eventually, my trust began to develop and as it did, my honesty became more consistent. It is hard for me to believe, but as I read this paragraph today, I see that I am honest. Or pretty darned close to it.
I still believe a few thoughts that are not in alignment with the other thoughts, but even they are fading away as I continue to bring them to the Holy Spirit to look at with me. I speak the words that are true for me, and occasionally, I hear myself speak words that are not true for me. Again, I quickly look at them with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to remove the beliefs that were the source of my dishonesty.
I was thinking of an example of dishonesty in my life at this time. Here is what came to my mind. I teach that we are all worthy. I teach it all the time. I quote Jesus when he said that our worthiness is not established by what we say or do, but that it was established in our creation. But then, I start noticing things about myself that belie that statement.
For instance, last night at my Al-Anon meeting, we talked about asking for help. I used to be so determined to not ask for help that I think if I had a heart attack, I would die before I would ask for help. I could only hope that someone noticed and helped me without being asked. I am not that opposed to asking anymore, but I still resist it. I still feel uncomfortable asking.
This can only be because I feel unworthy still, and so expect rejection and cannot chance rejection since that might prove my unworthiness. Well, shoot! But I am glad to see this. I was keeping it secret from myself and now I am not. Perhaps now is the time that I can become consistently honest in this area. I am asking the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief that I could be something other than what God created me to be.
So I am not perfectly honest yet, but I see my way through to honesty and know that I can and will be honest. I am grateful for this transformation. It is a long way from the first response I had to this paragraph. I am willing to trust the Word of God through Jesus, through the Holy Spirit. That is a perfectly honest statement. I am willing and I will to do so.