Creation’s freedom promises my own.
The end of dreams is promised me, because God’s Son is not abandoned by His Love. Only in dreams is there a time when he appears to be in prison, and awaits a future freedom, if it be at all. Yet in reality his dreams are gone, with truth established in their place. And now is freedom his already. Should I wait in chains which have been severed for release, when God is offering me freedom now?
I will accept Your promises today, and give my faith to them. My Father loves the Son Whom He created as His Own. Would You withhold the gifts You gave to me?
I don’t remember the year that these entries start, but I left them all because each one expressed an important step in my journey and might be helpful to someone else who is making those same steps right now.
I have been upset about something happening in my life. The details are not important because I really do see they are just symbolic of all the little dramas in which I participate. One drama is truly no different from the next one except in form. Sometimes, a drama comes along and I watch it for a few minutes, give it to Holy Spirit and go on as if nothing had happened which is exactly true; nothing happened. But sometimes, like now, I hold onto the drama and suffer awhile.
After it is over and I have finally released it, I wonder why I did that. But while it is going on, I can’t remember how to get free of it or seem unable to make that decision to do so. This used to be frightening to me because I thought it meant that somehow, maybe I really could not let go. If it was up to me and yet I was the one resisting, I was doomed. Circular ego thinking would keep me trapped longer. But over time, after watching this happen many times, I now understand that eventually, I will come around to sane thinking because I can only stand so much pain.
I was talking to the Holy Spirit about this particular drama this morning and asking Him why I could not get loose from this and asked what I needed to do. In my mind I saw myself standing behind bars, clutching them in a white-knuckled grip, longing to be on the other side.
The Holy Spirit told me to look to the right, and I saw the bars ended within a few feet. He told me to look to the left, and again the bars ended. They were connected to nothing above or below. The only way they remained upright was that I was holding them in place. The reason I was holding on so tightly was to keep the bars in place. As long as I looked straight ahead at my drama, and did not glance in any other direction, I was able to keep the illusion of being a victim in place.
I asked the Holy Spirit why I do this. He reminded me that just this morning He had guided me to read something that He had given Regina. It said:
“You may ask why you would choose the pain of resistance when you could experience peace. The answer is simple and one I am sure you have not overlooked. You choose resistance because you choose not to know fully that which you are. Resistance serves your choice to know yourself not as you are.”
Even now, I seem reluctant to let the bars go, and the Holy Spirit gave me a thought that I have invested a lot of time in this victim stance. I have gotten pretty comfortable in my suffering. But I remain both prisoner and jailer so it is up to me to make a new choice.
As I sat in silence listening to the Voice for God, I received another reminder; I am the ruler of my kingdom, I created this situation and it is good. It has brought me right to this moment that shows me what it is like to experience imprisonment, and it allows me to see that as easily as I chose to make a prison house of my mind, I can choose to experience freedom. Both are in the kingdom of my mind. Which do I choose? I am the maker of all that I experience.
Acceptance of all that is, just as it is, allows all the resistance to melt away. I feel the knot in my stomach loosen; I feel the muscles in my jaw unclench. I no longer look at my creation (my drama) as something bad that I need to fight my way out of. It is perfect and brings me the gift of release. How can I release the energy of fear if I do not know I hold it, or why would I want to if I do not realize how painful it is?
By experiencing it in a way that I can see and feel, I recognize it as something that I do not want to choose again. And if I forget this lesson, I will set up another one to remind myself of what I no longer want. I could never be the victim of the world I see, but to know this is true, I must be willing to take full responsibility for everything that is happening in my life. And just on the other side of this acceptance is freedom.
Going back and reading what I wrote before, I am reminded of a passage in the Text. This is what it says:
“The Holy Spirit has the task of undoing what the ego has made. He undoes it at the same level on which the ego operates, or the mind would be unable to understand the change.”
I experience the beliefs I hold in my mind. I see that I don’t like the effects of these beliefs and that they do not reflect my true nature. I ask the Holy Spirit to undo the ego thought in my mind, and the mind that is now healed of this thought projects a different experience. I see the difference and my mind understands the difference. This helps me to understand the process and it also helps me to be less judgmental of my life. I see its purpose now and am more grateful for the experiences knowing how they are helping me to wake up.
It is amazingly easy to get distracted from my purpose even now that I know that purpose, even now that I am tired of the stories and mostly uninterested in them. Sometimes I will just notice that I am sad and I will wonder why and the ego scrambles to make up a story to explain the sadness. And I either listen to the story and follow it to the next and the next, or I realize it is just a distraction, a choice to remain in the prison I built to keep me separated.
What I do as often as I can is to stop the storytelling as quickly as possible. I feel sadness welling up and instead of asking the ego mind what it means, I ask Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit never takes me into a story. He doesn’t help me to remember something sad that happened in the past, or how badly I was treated, or how lonely I plan to be when some imagined future arrives. This is all ego territory. One story is the same as the next.
I ask the Holy Spirit about my sad feelings and He brings me true thoughts, the thoughts I share with God, or at least thoughts that are symbolic of the thoughts I share with God. He reminds me of my holy purpose, which is to save the world and to awaken us to our true Selves. And as these ideas are met with openness and willingness, something happens that has nothing to do with words. There is a miracle as the mind is healed and emotion is washed away; peace takes its place.
The ego offers me sad stories and little dramas. But the peace of God is everything I want. The ego chatters away in my mind with endless past moments and more of the same projected as future moments, all for my entertainment; a roller coaster ride of endless thrills and chills and heartbreaking moments. But the peace of God is everything I want.
I sit in that peace this morning and I feel insulated from the world that seems determined to tear my peace from me, but I laugh with the Holy Spirit at that thought. As if there was a world outside my mind that could do anything to me. The world challenges me and attacks me whether I get out of this chair or not. Or the world cherishes me and protects me from this same place, according to what I want.
The world is in my mind and nowhere else and it gives me exactly what I want regardless of where I place this body in the world. In those moments of choice, when I am deciding what story I am going to experience now, I remind myself that the peace of God is everything I want. I remind myself that I am awake if I care to throw off my imagined chains and have that experience. What I tell myself seems to be very important, so I ask the Holy Spirit to watch my thoughts with me and direct them to the truth.
Shifting my mind from ego thinking to truth is so much easier now, and I stay in peace and act from love more than I ever have before. I am learning to think of myself in a new way, something closer to the truth of my divine nature, but that part is still in its baby stages. I am certain of it, though, and will settle into it as I continue to deliberately move in that direction. I am truly God’s holy Son and all that implies. This world is hypnotic and draws me back into the insanity, but it is not stronger than the Truth that remains forever fixed in my mind.