If I am bound, my Father is not free.
If I accept that I am prisoner within a body, in a world in which all things that seem to live appear to die, then is my Father prisoner with me. And this do I believe, when I maintain the laws the world obeys must I obey; the frailties and the sins which I perceive are real, and cannot be escaped. If I am bound in any way, I do not know my Father nor my Self. And I am lost to all reality. For truth is free, and what is bound is not a part of truth.
Father, I ask for nothing but the truth. I have had many foolish thoughts about myself and my creation, and have brought a dream of fear into my mind. Today, I would not dream. I choose the way to You instead of madness and instead of fear. For truth is safe, and only love is sure.
The illusion of body is a persistent form of madness and one that must be released if we want to awaken from the dream of separation and return our mind to sanity. I have been practicing seeing myself as apart from the body. I often do this in meditation. I withdraw my attention from the chair in which I sit, then slowly I move my awareness from the body a bit at a time until I no longer have any focus on it. This is going to take a lot of practice because I am unable to hold that focus very long. The mind wants to return its attention to the body.
Here is another way I do this practice. I will notice some small discomfort in the body and I will remember that the body has discomfort, but I am not the body. I gain some weight and the ego wants to think about that, and I remember that the body gained weight. I did not. I was picking the last of my okra and as sometimes happens, I noticed itching where the okra touched skin.
I remembered that the hand itches, I do not. What I am cannot feel pain or itching. It does not feel discomfort. What I am does not weigh anything at all. If I continue to believe I am a body, I will continue to suffer when the body suffers. These practices are gently loosening my belief that I am a body and allowing an experience (however brief) of what I am in reality.
For a few moments I will be very clear about this, then, without conscious thought, I will notice I have returned to believing I am the body. In order to return my mind to seeing this as my experience and not who I am, I seem to need to back out of it slowly a step at a time, and for now, it seems necessary for me to remind myself frequently of the truth.
I remind myself that I am having an experience of being in a body. I remind myself that there are different levels of my experience. I remind myself that I cannot possibly be this body because it is small, vulnerable and weak. I must be as God created me and God created me like Himself, so this cannot be me.
As I slow my thoughts down, I am able to hear the thoughts of the Holy Spirit and for awhile, I know I am not the body. I think that as I do this more and more often, I will be able to stay at that higher level more consistently. It is at this level I am able to understand that I am not bound by the laws of the world.
Lately, I have felt closer to the truth that I am not what I appear to be and am more willing and able to look past the appearance of what I am. But this is not absolutely clear. It’s like looking through a clouded glass. I see, but not clearly. And only at times do I begin to feel it. Holy Spirit, I want to see clearly. I want to feel and to know who I am. And I want to hold that memory and not forget what I know.
As I was writing this and expressing the desire of my Heart I was thinking of Holy Spirit, wanting Him to tell me something that would help. The thought came to me that I should pick up the Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament and read from I Corinthians 14. In 14, the Holy Spirit is using a mask metaphor and talking about becoming the empty shell.
He talks about the roles we play as wearing a mask but reminds us that we are not the mask and no matter how much we believe in the mask it will never be real. He asks that we put down the mask and become an empty shell. He says, “Release all of it, that I may fill you with the memory of who you are.” I got chills when I read it. He took me to the perfect place.
Later in I Corinthians, He reminds me that: “It is your brothers who are you in truth. Look beyond their illusion, and you look beyond your own. Forgive them their mask, and you forgive your own. Accept them as innocent and as Love, and you accept your Self.” I still felt a need for more and when I became quiet, the Holy Spirit sent me to I Corinthians 12, in which I read this: “Watch your mind for its wishes, for each wish signals a judgment, and wherever there has been a judgment, there is a wish.
Holy Spirit, this is very helpful. Could you talk to me about my sense of failure and my frustration at not reaching my goal?
Holy Spirit: Dear One, please do not judge yourself. It is judgment that you wish to release from the shell. You are looking on the experience of seeming to fall short and believing the experience is you. This is not true. You are not the experience of Myron at all. Myron is the mask.
Do not look at her seeming success and failures and think, “I did this.” Look at her life and realize it perfectly mirrors the thoughts held in the mind. Then forgive those thoughts, through giving them to me for purification. I will heal the mind as it is your desire. Look with joy and gratitude at what you see. It is in seeing the effects of the beliefs held in the mind that you can give your willingness to have them corrected.
If you think that you are failing or guilty because you notice the mistaken thoughts and their effects, you will resist finding them, then you will push them down where you can’t see them. Can you see this would not be helpful? Instead be grateful for your willingness to see and grateful for your willingness to forgive. Instead of being discouraged, be glad each time you notice an effect of wrong minded thinking. This is your purpose and you are accomplishing your purpose. Thank you.
Me: Holy Spirit. I see that you want me to continue to notice my thoughts and to ask for correction. I see that you want me to remember that it is through my forgiveness of my brothers that I find my own healing. I see that you want me to remember that I am not the mask, but the wearer of the mask and that I am to remove the mask. I am to surrender everything and become an empty shell so that You can fill me.
I see that I am to watch my mind for wishes and judgments (and that they are the same thing) and I see that I am not to judge anything including my progress. I also see that you are telling me that I am not the story, or any character in the story. I tend to forget that. And I see that you want me to be grateful that I notice what needs correction rather than feeling guilty for it. Thank you.
This morning, my focus was on this:
If I accept that I am prisoner within a body, in a world in which all things that seem to live appear to die, then is my Father prisoner with me.
I am overwhelmed as I think that God gave me all of Himself in my creation, that He loves and trusts me so much He created me inextricably bound with Him.
I have thought that I could be imprisoned in a body and have believed that I permanently changed my nature so this could happen. But do I believe that I could imprison God? And yet, if I imprisoned myself then I imprisoned God, and I am never so insane that I believe this could happen. This means that I must be free, not as a hope, not as something that will happen in some faraway future, but now in this moment. I must be free because God is free. I am not bound by the wishes of the ego mind. I am free.