V. The Denial of God, P 2
2 Do not forget, however, that to deny God will inevitably result in projection, and you will believe that others and not yourself have done this to you. You must receive the message you give because it is the message you want. You may believe that you judge your brothers by the messages they give you, but you have judged them by the message you give to them. Do not attribute your denial of joy to them, or you cannot see the spark in them that would bring joy to you. It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.
When I read the words that say I deny God, it seems like that can’t be true. Yet, when I think about all I do, say and feel that is opposite to God, I realize it must be true. When I express guilt in any way, I deny God because there is no guilt in God. When my Internet went out on Saturday, I was frustrated because I had plans to work on my computer. There is no frustration in God so I was denying God in that moment. I was worshipping at the ego’s altar.
As Jesus says, when I deny God, I will inevitably project, and this is what I did. I projected onto the Internet people. I thought about how it seems every time it rains my Internet goes out. They have one job to do, to keep the Internet working and they can’t seem to do it. As I had these thoughts, I felt worse and worse. I felt heavy and dark.
A part of my mind was aware of this, noticing the guilt thoughts, the projection, the inevitable effect of projecting guilt. But I was caught up in my stories of guilt and had a hard time letting them go. When I talked to the Internet technician I felt like I was talking to the enemy, like it was his fault my life took a wrong turn. In so doing, I failed to see the spark in him that would have brought me joy. As Jesus says: “It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.”
Then Sunday morning, I was reading this posting by Paul West and in which he reminds us that there is a beautiful and completely neutral world out there over which we have placed our guilty thoughts. I had to laugh because that is what I did. I made the Internet folks guilty for screwing up my day. The more I thought about it the more I realized I could have asked Holy Spirit what this was for. I could have listened to guidance about what to do next, and had a really good time.
When life sucks, all that means is the thoughts in our mind suck, that we are splattering guilt all over a perfectly neutral world. I had a good laugh about the whole thing Sunday morning and felt a lot of gratitude to Suzanne Weaver, for sharing this, and Paul West, for writing it. Finding this posting on Sunday morning was like Spirit was high-lighting the whole incident so I would really get it.
Once again, I remind myself that I am not the victim of my world, but the maker of it. Listening to the ego mind is always going to make a depressing world, just as allegiance to God will always show me the beautiful world that exists just behind my projections. My internet went out again on Sunday and I did other things.
When I eventually called in, the technician was helpful and I told him he was a genius. He laughed and we said goodbye. That happy ending was there all along, but to experience it, I had to desire the happy ending more than I desired the right to be unfairly treated.
Here is the part of Paul’s posting that was especially helpful to me when I read it.
“What this also reveals, as ACIM would confirm, is that just because the world currently looks a certain way, or the people seem to be in a certain mood, or I’m experiencing it in a certain mindset, or I have a certain feeling about it, this does NOT mean that these things are objectively real. If I am perceiving that other people are unloving, unkind, hateful, fear-inducing, etc. … this shows me simply that there is content IN MY OWN MIND that I am seeing overlaid on my experience of ‘reality’, making it seem as though the world sucks.
The Course speaks of the forgiven world – a world that you see when YOU have forgiven yourself. It is a neutral world, with no false meaning given to it. It is a lovely world, a beautiful world, a world of such clarity. If we are NOT seeing that world, it is because we have blocks in our awareness. We have blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, and that is what ACIM aims to help remove.
So I should remember, that no matter how the world looks right now, or what content it seems to have, if I am not seeing a completely beautiful neutral world then what I’m seeing is MY OWN STUFF interfering with my perception. It’s not allowing me to experience reality clearly. It’s blocking my view and interfering with what I’m seeing ‘out there’. What I see out there is my own content reflected in a completely clear mirror, showing me my own ego. So if I think this world sucks and am seeing reasons for it sucking, it’s because I suck. Conversely, when I forgive myself for what I have not done and remember my innocence, I will ONLY be able to experience innocence and happiness all around me.”