I am not what I have perceived myself to be. I am unlimited, pure Spirit and nothing is unavailable to me. Therefore, in this moment, I choose to open access to other dimensions of experience so that I might call this moment to me in a different way.
As I said these words I noticed that I was just mouthing them. I went back and did it again. I opened myself for whatever experience might come to me. I didn’t try to make an experience, but I paid attention. In the past I thought I “saw” beings but I didn’t trust it. Then I read. “Pay attention to it, for you cannot imagine what you have not or are not experiencing.”
So I relaxed into the moment and I had a fleeting image of beings surrounding me. Nothing concrete and nothing I could describe, really, just something. And a knowing that I am not alone. I felt a warmth on my back where they “stood,” particularly at the place on my spine where the neck meets the back. The images were brief but the warmth lingered. I felt tears well up and a sense of being loved and cared for.
I believe what I sensed. I have no reason to. I just do. I welcomed the expansion of awareness and expressed a willingness to accept more expansion. I wonder how this will unfold. I think it is important for me to remember that I decide what enters my field of awareness. This capacity to accept is not given to me, it is decided by me. I have for so long experienced myself as victim of the world that I must practice thinking of myself as creator.
I am fully convinced that some of our most important communication has nothing to do with the exchange of words. It happens on another level all together. This seems to have to do with intent. I have a student whose mother is in ICU. I had been praying for her, that is holding to the thought that she is exactly as she was created despite appearances otherwise. I know that both mother and daughter are lovingly held by God and pray that they might feel that love and comfort.
During the day I am seeing customers and doing the work I get paid for. I am riding with a customer in his truck to the next site where we are going to do some testing. We are making small talk to pass the time and come to a lull in the conversation. Suddenly I am with my student and her mother and talking to them about not being afraid. I am, in my mind, using words. The words are for me, not them. I use them to hold my own attention because my mind is very undisciplined and easily wanders.
I talk about dying as opening a door and walking through to the next room. I talk to her mom about how much she is loved by those on this side of the door, and how equally she is loved by those on the other side. I don’t remember all that I said. It was strange because I was there, but I also was here. I was amazed at what was happening, but did not allow that amazement to distract me. A few moments later my customer pulled my attention back with a question.
Later when alone I tried to return to that moment, but it was flat, just thoughts and words. Evidently that earlier moment was the one in which I was needed, not the present moment. That has never happened to me before. I had practiced communicating mind to mind but this was different because I sensed it was happening on a different level. I had expanded my awareness to take this in. Later the ego wanted to take a turn but it wasn’t the same.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.